When I Was Young

When I Was Young

A Poem by Susan 🌺
"

Swap Quatrain

"



Spent childhood days along the shore,
turned cherished mem'ries to adore.
Imagination set ablaze,
along the shore, spent childhood days.

Soft golden sand, 'lil footprints trail,
whilst swaying plastic yellow pail;
a mighty fortress castle planned ...
'lil footprints trail soft golden sand.

Now, anchored tight, a pirate ship,
who's sneaky bandits nightly slip ...
steal treasures; quickly reunite
a pirate ship now anchored tight.

'Tween cresting waves, fair mermaids swim,
long auburn tresses glint 'n shim,
flash pearly smiles; then, misbehaves ...
fair mermaids swim 'tween cresting waves.

Soon shall ensnare strange ocean pest,
humped Loch Ness monster's oft' possessed!
Quick surfacing, without a care,
strange ocean pest shall soon ensnare.

So, gently step amongst sea shells,
sweet music of vast ocean dwells;
dance happily in timely rep ...
amongst sea shells, so gently step.

Bright, grateful smile, as sunset spills,
imagination full of thrills;
along the shore lives for awhile,
as sunset spills bright grateful smile.

Alas, tides shift, those charmed days gone,
yearned cherished memories hold on;
a childhood blessed, once precious gift,
those charmed days gone, alas, tides shift!

© 2020 Susan 🌺


Author's Note

Susan 🌺
Thank you Richard W. Jenkins for introducing me to this form!

Swap Quatrain

Attributed to Lorraine M. Kanter

Within the Swap Quatrain each stanza in the poem must be a quatrain (four lines)

where the first line is separated at the fourth syllable and reversed in the fourth line.

In addition, line 2 must rhyme with line 1, and line 3 must rhyme with line 4 and so on, and no limit

to number of stanzas, BUT must not repeat the same rhyming pattern on subsequent stanzas.

Eight syllables per line. Rhyming pattern: AabB, CcdD, and so on.

My Review

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Reviews

An interesting poetry form, well stitched in rhyme! Childhood memories can be among the most precious! A fine poem, Susan!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Susan 🌺

5 Months Ago

Thank you Robert! 😊
Lovely flow here.
Sweet images, effortless
meter transcending every
adorable step of the way.

Smiling'


Posted 5 Months Ago


Susan 🌺

5 Months Ago

Aw thank you! 😊
Wow, Just read your note regarding Swap Quatrains.. Something I have never tried..Very interesting.
Loved your poem... Reminded me about being at the beach in the summer for days on end...Loved it..
My sister and I ignored our mother when she called to us to get out of the ocean as she wanted to get back home...Love going back to those sweet memories..
Going again to your poem to see exactly what it is you did.....
Lisa, on the computer

Posted 6 Months Ago


Susan 🌺

6 Months Ago

Hi Lisa! You should try this form, it’s actually quite fun. Thank you for another lovely review! G.. read more
Lisasview

6 Months Ago

You are most welcome... I might just try it..
Thank you,
Lisa, now in Spain
I loved the complete poem dear Susan.
"So, gently step amongst sea shells,
sweet music of vast ocean dwells;
dance happily in timely rep ...
amongst sea shells, so gently step"
The above lines were my favorite. I had many good days near the sea and the lakes. Now I take my grandchildren. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 7 Months Ago


Susan 🌺

7 Months Ago

This was such a fun write!! Thank you for reading and for the wonderful review! I grew up in inner c.. read more
Coyote Poetry

7 Months Ago

A wonderful poem dear Susan and you are welcome.
I am speechless after reading this perfectly written poem.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Susan 🌺

1 Year Ago

What a great review to read this morning!! Thank you very much! I’m glad you enjoyed this little f.. read more
Najam Us Saher

1 Year Ago

You are most welcome :)
I can see Richard taught you well. I'm also learning from him and plan to experiment more with form in the future. I like the rhythm in this as well as your beautiful diction applied so professionally.

Your picture fits well with the poem.

Excellent writing, Susan.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Susan 🌺

1 Year Ago

He is?? ;-) I say we gang up on the teacher!!! lol iambics blah, format blah...hahaha just kidding!:.. read more
Relic

1 Year Ago

LOL no problem. :)
Terrific piece and makes me think of my own childhood. Wonderfully descriptive. My only thought at the end was it didn’t flow when I was reading it out. “Yearned cherished memories hold on” I feel like “yearned cherished memories now hold on” would feel better when reading but I also don’t know if this doesn’t follow the pattern you were following so I could be completely wrong. Regardless I loved this poem and feel it’s a great topic to choose to evoke emotion.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Susan 🌺

1 Year Ago

Thank you for the review!...yes, I need to maintain the correct form.. You must have had a wonderful.. read more
I'm so glad you explained the rhyme pattern. It is extremely interesting and caught my attention right off.
I can only imagine how difficult this must have been, but you've done it...and done it quite well.
That means really, really good.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Susan 🌺

1 Year Ago

Well thank you so much for such a kind review! You should try this form...then let me know :-)
This is lovely. The imagery is easily conjured, the rhythm and rhyme are pleasing and sound amazing when read out loud. You have a great flare for this style of writing and an amazing colorful vocabulary. It was a such a pleasure to read your work. Happy Holidays

Posted 1 Year Ago


Susan 🌺

1 Year Ago

Thank you Patricia for such a lovely review!!!
Interesting read on childhood nostalgia. It's contingent upon age and how growing up never thought the day would come where you realize the fact( Life is really short.) Love the last stanza "Alas, tides shift, those charmed days gone,
yearned cherished memories hold on;
a childhood blessed, once precious gift,
those charmed days gone, alas, tides shift!." Speaks high volumes reminiscence and the deepen longing for that time again. Enjoyable read sincerely your friend in writing and life

Posted 2 Years Ago


Susan 🌺

2 Years Ago

Thank you Andrew for this wonderful review!! Much appreciated. :-)

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Added on April 5, 2020
Last Updated on April 5, 2020

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Susan 🌺
Susan 🌺

WI



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