The Other Side of the Grass.

The Other Side of the Grass.

A Story by Sydney Evans
"

A story about really living.

"
I wonder could the grass be greener on the other side? A place that hasn't seen all the problems or felt all the emptiness. A place untouched and unsettled by life's sometimes cruel intentions. Maybe that's why we go there after death.. the other side of the grass. A peaceful place. This side where we walk isn't all that bad. In all the problems and terror others provide, beauty and love can emerge. Not everything is as bad as it seems. On the other side you can forever be rid of the conflict and heartache, but you could miss out on all the beauty instore above.  I hope I can live to the fullest. I hope I can create beautiful memories. I hope I have something to hold on to as the world's light fades from my sight. That as my last breaths are taking place I know there is so much to look forward too.

© 2011 Sydney Evans


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"I wonder could " -- After wonder, there should be a comma.

"all the beauty instore" -- Should be 'in store.'

While this has an interesting concept, I think you should refine it more. It's a little bit choppy and the flow is rather hard to follow, especially since all your sentences are so short. I think that this would fit better as a poem than a story, especially since it is so short and it doesn't have a plot. Rather, it's a bit of ideology, and as so should be put into format to help accentuate and perfect that aspect.

I didn't really feel the things you were saying at the end. There was so little description that I found it hard to connect with the meaning, and get the gist of what you were saying. I know that the words mean something to you, but how can you make them mean something to me, the reader?

Your structure also leaves room for improvement. I didn't like that everything was in one paragraph; this only increased the confusion from leaping from sentence to sentence. You need to connect your thoughts better, and perhaps in some areas make a place where there are two short sentences into one medium-sized one. Put thoughts that are similar to each other near each other.

Overall, I think you could do better. For a first attempt, however, you did well. 80/100.

Posted 10 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This something you could have said in English when Mrs. Stiner asked us the meaning of life. I don't think you missed out on anything when you were in Florida, because this is beautifuly writen. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lovely and short. Great job.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I really like this. I love that you are basically saying, don't think about what's on the other side, but focus on what is here and now and try to make the best of it. I think you did really well.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is great! I love the hopefulness and dreaminess about the "other side". Great job!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I always think about this. Especially after someone who has been suffering has died. I always pray that where they are is brighter and better for them.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Very nice write SYD , very mature thoughts .. more of a musing than a story ... loved reading it.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is a nice story but the formatting is messed up... It was hard to scroll it to read it
it put the whole story on one line.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Most of us hope for a better place when we are young. With age we wish to go back to the better days. Birth of child. First love and first walk into nature with open eyes. A powerful poem with a story that create questions that only time will answer. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on February 9, 2011
Last Updated on February 9, 2011

Author

Sydney Evans
Sydney Evans

Eaton, OH



About
Hello, my name is Sydney Rayne Evans! I'm seventeen and love to write. more..

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