Another Bad Day

It all starts when sadness and happiness does.

I am a mistake

A product of two singular persons

Constructed with love

Bounded by hate.

When I die I want to predict

The colors of the sky

Until the pain will lead me unto rest.

If I was a mistake

Why was my heart even brought

Back to life?

Why was I given wings in place

And told I was free to fly?

I wonder how many times

They made me cry

Compared to that how many times

I’ve tried to make them smile?

How long will you wear
That insincere smile of triumph?

Just don’t, no

Don’t even laugh right now.

I try to hold my world together

In this tenuous threads

Slowly snapping off one by one

Until only the weakest is left

My flesh is flayed to the bone

But still the smile

Is stuck to my face

So please, don’t love me

Because like my existence,

It’s a mistake.

Reviews

[M.M.I]

Wow. I think this is great. It flows so well and smooth. Word placement is fantastic. If it were me, I would remove these lines:

Just don’t, no
Don’t even laugh right now

I say this because it makes one think that you are talking to somebody, whereas before, it felt like you were kind of just talking to yourself, introspectively; pondering but not actually asking in an explicit way. Just my two cents.

[Hanakuso]

First off, thank you for the compliment. That really felt good. Secondly, I appreciate the insight. Looking back at it, I see your point. I didn't even realize how I suddenly shifted perspectives of the poem, myself. Thank you so much!

[M.M.I]

No problem!

[Sid]

Wow, nice write, I can feel the emotions in this poem and it's flow effortlessly. And I know this has already been pointed out but this
Just don’t, no
Don’t even laugh right now.
was a really abrupt change in perspectives. Otherwise a great, glad I decided to read your work!!

[Sid]

Btw I meant "It flows effortlessly" and not "It's flow effortlessly". Ohh and I forgot to add but I really like this poem. Good work!!

[Hanakuso]

Thank you very much for your feedback! I honestly didn't realize the mistake. And thank you so much for the compliments, they're really inspiring amateur writers like me to do more!

[Erinne S.]

I agree with the post below with removing those two lines. It just did not go with the theme of this piece. It broke the rhythm in my opinion as I was reading it.
I loved the emotion behind this piece... I felt every line as I read through it.

~Erinne