Incurable

Incurable

A Poem by Jon
"

Another oldie i never posted

"

 

A hole to fill,

to end my pains.

Sands of time

are ebbing grains.

 

Against my will,

your mark remains,

and shall until,

I break the chains

 

It makes me ill,

what heart contains.

Your poison still

runs through my veins.

© 2008 Jon


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Reviews

It is quite impossible to find naturally seamed in rhymes in poems these days. Eureka, found one right here! The ease and manner of your language expresses itself with excellent fluidity and grace, as well as the cadence of its rhythm and pace. A poem well worth reading and sharing. Bring out more of your unpublished stuff! I say.

Posted 11 Years Ago


a list is to be made... we can all find reasons not to
loosen one link - that's all it takes

Posted 13 Years Ago


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O!
I hope we're over those days, else am gonna kick ure a*s!! LOL

U used to write alot when u were back then.....did u realise that?

good and to the point...kinda painfree actually! ;-)

x,
O!

Posted 15 Years Ago


Such a great write - very concise and emotive.

This write so well written - with so few words you have managed to describe so much emotion, a whole back story. Your diction is consistently good - allowing you to create so much imagery in a limited word count.
I think your use of rhyme is interesting here. The simple male rhyme is simple and, not to be rude, childlike, but this is wonderfully complicated and constrasted with the subject matter. This is a really cleve effect.
Congrats on this write.

Posted 15 Years Ago


I like the cadence o this. Love is also, in my opinion a kind of poison.
The frustration of feeling something you don't want, is palpable.

A.M.


Posted 15 Years Ago


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...
This is one of the very few poems where I actually, wholly enjoy the rhyming. :]

Very nice. ^^

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

And how do you break the chains? And will the poison stop flowing when the chains are broken? Are these one and the same?

I shouldn't have read Tai Chi's review, 'cause now I only see the pun in the first line myself. lol

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I hate to be flippant on this lovely writing of your hearts discontent Jon! but that first line begged a dirty pun from Tai!lol I am so sorry for your pain, here let me suck it out!lol winking at you, Tai

Posted 15 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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726 Views
8 Reviews
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Added on July 15, 2008
Last Updated on July 15, 2008

Author

Jon
Jon

London, United Kingdom



About
I'm not a writer I just write sometimes - like to do it kindof anonymously as I'm a coward and it allows me to say what I like! - all help appreciated! more..

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