Listen, See, Speak...

Once…

When no one was listening,

Shelly became most inexpressibly sad.

If someone had been listening

They would have heard

The silence drowning the laughter

Or maybe the sobs, her new nighttime lullaby.

But you see,

No was listening.

 

Once…

When no one was looking

Shelly’s happiness began to fade.

Her dull eyes focused on the ground

Never again rising to meet the sky.

Her hair lost it’s shine

And her skin it’s glow.

Someone should have realized

But someone wasn't looking.

 

Once…

A spoken word could have saved,

Not a comment uttered that day,

Not a hello or hey,

Not an excuse me or move it,

Not even a last good bye...

A word could have saved her

The dictionary is full of them

But no one said it.

 

Once…

They found a girl

Locked behind her bedroom door.

No heart pounding,

No breath passing her lips,

Alone...

All people could say

Why’d she do it,

How could this happen.

 

Once…

There was this girl

With sparkly eyes

And a contagious laugh.

How could someone,

(As sad as she must have been)

Brighten everyone else’s life.

Devastated friends wondered

What could have been done?

 

Once…

There was a funeral

Standing room only

Family, friends and coworkers...

Exchanging stories, anecdotes, and tears.

Shelly stood in the back,

With one last thought,

As her soul began to fade…

 

“Why didn’t I hear them

Once before?

Why didn’t see this love

Once before?

Why didn’t I say I hurt

Just once before?”

Reviews

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

This is an awesome write. It holds a quiet desperation, that slowly drained the life out of Shelly. All around
Her no one seemed to notice what was happening until it was too late. She just could not see how much she was loved and cared about. It is a sad story but you did a great job on it.
Debby

[QuietPoet]

This was so sad. I loved your imagery. People go through this so much and only if others would notice it would never come to an end. Nicely done. This was great.

[Akiabella]

Oh wow, that's so tragically sad. It gave me chills actually. Now that's some excellent writing.

[Jet Lag]

good job. the once repetition works nicely. sad topic.

[Jaclyn]

Speaking from personal experience as someone who has both been suicidally depressed at one time and also who has lost someone to suicide, this poem really hits home. The blame at first seems to be with everyone else when you are truly depressed, and you selfishly don't think anyone else cares. Actually, unless you HAVE been truly clinically depressed, it is damn near impossible to describe how self-absorbed and unaware you become when you ARE depressed. It is a shame that sometimes it is too late for a person to wake up and find out that they are truly as loved as they are. This touched me.

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

SUCH A SAD WRITE.. IT WAS EXCELLENTLY PENNED.

[Robert Luna]

This was a sad tell as the victim also realized she too hadn't see what was around her. The idea of this was so painfully truthful as this could and probably has happened. The story was told with such a perfect flow and level of woe. It really drove this piece home and made it so much more meaningful.


Well Done!!!!!

[Nana Carmine]

Wow. I really like this. It shows a train of depression that many have been on before, including myself. I relate well to it. Great job

~Nana Carmine

[Rain]

This is an incredible piece. Depression is tragic, and the guilt left behind is as tragic. Great piece.

[Raef C. Boylan]

This is a sobering piece. I think the tone and pace of it are deliberate, and that they work well to focus the reader on the situation. You seem to be correcting the imbalance of blame within this poem: "Shelly" didn't meet them half-way, so how were they to know...therefore it's not really anyone's fault and is just very unfortunate. She covered her tracks well, as people who are upset or depressed tend to do - avoiding people and appearing cheerful on the rare occasions they are in company. Maybe there's a lesson to be taken from this not to judge on appearances (in terms of behaviour), and not to assume that people around you are showing their true feelings i.e. be caring and concerned for everyone.
Irreversible tragedy is the hardest to deal with, and you've created one here.

Good work.

"Once�

A spoken word could have saved
Not a comment uttered that day
Not a hello or hey
Not an excuse me or move it
Not even a last good bye
A word could have saved her
The dictionary is full of them
But no one said it." - it seems like you have a specific word in mind; I wonder what that is?


p.s.

"Her hair lost it's shine
And her skin it's glow" (its shine) (its glow)

Keep an eye on your punctuation, as it's inconsistent for some stanzas and not others
e.g. fourth stanza

[CarrieLynn {Chameleon A..]

tragically beautiful...great write! :)