A Poem by RTB

The pierce of the bullet, the sound I regret,

The stain of his blood, the mark god's repent,


I will not forgive him he takes them so young,

My best friends pain at the end of the gun,


He cries and he moans, he tells me his hurt,

I wipe away the tear, the blood mixed with dirt,


My heart is now strangled, my soul tore to shreds,

Calling out for help for my undeserving friend,


I did this to my pal and I deserved the shot,

Instead he was taken from the greed that I sought,



What was the cause, why did it end in sorrow,

I see it drain from his eyes, his life, now god's to borrow

© 2010 RTB

Author's Note

R.I.P J.P this is contraversal to the family so i am no longer allowed to show the info :(

My Review

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I liked the meter, it flows from the heart, so I don't think that you should change it. Again filled with musicality I can imagine this read at an open mike session. Well done!

Posted 8 Years Ago

Again, a good match between poem and title and a nice tight theme besides. Why is it 'god's' in the second line - I see why it is in the last line, but not the second. I wonder whether you might improve the poem a bit by changing 'undeserving' friend to something else... in this line it sounds as though your friend does no deserve your attention (I think you mean he didn't deserve the bullet, but the context doesn't say that). Just a thought. Keep writing.

Posted 9 Years Ago

Aww, an unhappy write, it brought a tear to my eye. Very sorry about your friend..
Very well written. (: Loved it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Posted 9 Years Ago

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Touching... sorry about your friend, man.

Posted 9 Years Ago

wow this is a very awesome poem. Sad but amazing.

Posted 9 Years Ago

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This is beautiful... It's so sad, but it's so so beautiful...
What a brilliant piece of poetry. It flows perfectly and the story is so emotional; told through imagery and thoughts that... well, it's just... I don't know. I'm actually lost for words. What's wrong with me?!
This is amazing.

Posted 9 Years Ago

This kind of made me cry a little bit. Very emotional. Good work.

Posted 9 Years Ago

Very emotion-filled writing here. It is a sad story elegantly expressed.

Posted 9 Years Ago

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49 Reviews
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on July 26, 2010
Last Updated on July 26, 2010



Cocoa, FL


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