Broken Butterfly

*Warning: Self harm*

      I lean against the doorframe smiling quietly to myself.

I walked into the small cafe, the scent of coffee strong in the air. I stopped just before the counter before looking up. I met a pair of pale blue eyes staring back at me. The girl had long auburn hair that rested in soft curls along her shoulders. I smiled at her, "It's beautiful." The girl nodded, "I know, it's a gorgeous day today." I met her gaze, "I meant the girl standing in front of me." Her soft lips slowly curved up slightly as she smiled back at me, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

      I bite my bottom lip, the smile coming to the surface of my lips.

I sat with a warm cup of tea clutched in my hands. I watched the girl as she was seated on the hard bench. Her fingers gently caressed each ivory key, a soft sound flowing from the wooden frame as she quietly played each chord. She had told me that the pianos made in the fifties had the purist ring to them. And staring at her, listening to her delicate song that lingered in the air, I couldn't agree more.

      My eyelids become heavy as I close my eyes, cherishing the sight.

We sat on the bleachers. Her lips were tinted purple as she shivered. I unzipped my sweatshirt and threw it over her shoulders. She took it off, handing it back to me, "You need it," she said. I didn’t give in easily. “You need it more,” I whispered, placing it gently back over her shoulders. She smiled up at me, tightening the fabric around her, "Thank you."

      A tear slips down my cheek as I walk over to the bed. I throw myself down, staring up at the ceiling.

Small lightening bugs rode on the surface of the lake. The water splashed against our ankles as our feet dangled from the edge of the dock.  I glanced over at her, watching as she looked over the lake. A quiet sigh escaped her lips as she looked down at her lap, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight. I couldn't help but smile. The girl turned her head towards me, our noses brushing together. I could make out the blush on her cheeks as she looked up at me past her long eyelashes. Her breath tangled with mine as we both leaned in.

       My hand touches her pillow, which still smells like her. I dig my fingers into my hair, imagining her lying beside me.

The fire burned as we sat beside each other, hand in hand. Her fingers were cold as ice as I slowly rubbed my thumb along the backside of her palm. Her eyes met mine, reflecting the flame from the fireplace. She snuggled into me, our legs intertwining as she rested her head on my chest. Her long hair tumbled down her back as I gently pushed a few loose strands behind her ear. Her eyelids fluttered closed as her breathing became slow and rhythmic. She looked so peaceful asleep. I stayed up watching her chest slowly rise and fall with each breath, and the way her lips were slightly parted. After a while my breathing slowed, before matching the rhythm of hers.

      The empty pit inside of my stomach devours me.

She sat on the swing, slowly going back and forth. The sun shone down on us as I took a few steps closer to her. The girl pulled her legs back, trying not to hit me while her swing approached. I carefully grabbed the chains, holding her in midair. She rested her forehead against mine. I smiled before turning my head so our lips met. Her kiss was sweet as I savored the taste. She smiled against my lips as her legs wrapped around my waist, embracing me tightly.

      I throw my legs over the side of the bed. I reach for my jacket, and sling it over my shoulders.

We laid beside each other on the small picnic blanket. The moon was high in the sky as we gazed out at the stars. The girl knew a few constellations as she shared their stories to me. I watched her as she spoke, her hands moving and pointing with each word. Her voice was smooth and quiet; I could listen to her talk all day. After a while she looked over at me, our eyes meeting. I smiled at her, before turning back towards the sky. "Do you see that star?" I asked, pointing at the brightest one in the sky. She laughed softly, "That's the North star." I shook my head, "I call it the love star." Her eyes met mine in confusion, as I smiled at her, "I call it the love star, because that's what I see every time I look at you."

      I slip my shoes on as I grab my keys before heading out the door.

I waited at the bottom of the stairs, her father in a different room. As I heard footsteps I looked up. The corner of my mouth rose as I watched her descend to where I was stood. Her hair was pulled up, loose ringlets framing her face. She wore a long navy gown that hugged her waist and flared out around her knees. She stopped on the last step, looking down at the ground. "You look beautiful," I whispered in awe. I took out the corsage I had gotten her, attached with a single red rose. I went to reach for her wrist but she softly pulled away. "I can put it on," she muttered, carefully tying the flower around her thin wrist.  "Thank you." She smiled up at me, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

      My throat is dry as I drive down the street. The street lights are blinding as I turn the corner.

I watched the girl from the other side of the table as she took a sip from her water. Her arms had become very thin as she played with the bracelets around her wrists. I didn't say a word as I reached my hand across the table. Our fingers intertwined gently, her pale skin a contrast to my tan hand. "I will always be here for you," I whispered, "I promise." Her blue eyes met mine. She nodded her head, "I know."

      The night is dark, with the only light coming from the colored glass panels which illuminate the entrance.

The rain poured down around us as we ran towards the truck. We quickly got in, laughing as we shut the doors behind us. I looked over at her to see her curls clinging to her cheeks and arms. I smiled, reaching for her hand. My fingers brushed against her wrist as she quickly pulled away. I glanced up to see the laughter draining from her voice, as she hugged her arms against her stomach. My smile started falling from my face as I studied her eyes. They had become a dull gray, refusing to meet my gaze. "I just want to hold your hand," I whispered. She looked over at me, voice hesitant as she spoke, "I'm sorry." She slowly reached out her hand as I grasped it in mine. Before she could pull away I turned over her wrist. What I saw brought tears to my eyes.

      I slowly walk down the aisle holding a single rose in my hand. I glance up to see her.

I stood outside her door, thunder shaking the ground. I was about to knock until I heard a blood curdling scream come from inside. My heart seemed to drop from my ribcage and shatter on the cement. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins as I slammed the door open and ran inside. The bathroom door was shut as I pounded on it, screaming her name. She never answered. I kicked the door open as I ran inside, the steam fogging the room. I ran over to the shower and pushed the curtain open. I saw the girl curled up on the tub floor as streams of blood washed down the drain. I pulled her out, tears blurring my vision as my entire body shook. "What the hell are you doing to yourself?" I yelled at her. Her gray eyes met mine as she sobbed, "I'm so sorry," she gasped, "It's so hard. I'm just never enough." I pulled her close to me, afraid that she'd slip away before my eyes. "You've always been more than enough to me," I cried, "I love you so much. Please don't leave me." She cried in my arms, gripping at her wrist. "Please don't leave me," I begged her. I couldn't repeat it enough. "I love you so much," I cried, "I love you." But as much as I could repeat it, she would never believe it. That's what killed me the most.

      I stop just before the wooden bed, my heart numb. I reach out my hand and gently brush them against her pale skin which is cold.

      Taking the single rose I pick a petal and place it along her forearm. A small trail of ruby petals, seventeen of them along her arms; counting the number of years.

      Her eyes closed, she can't see what has become of me. The scars beneath my skin go deeper than the one's on her surface.

      "You are so strong," I whisper, my voice weak, "It is society who is the frail one."

Author's Note

I was crying by the time I finished this. I normally don't write sad endings, so this is something different for me.
Self harm is a serious issue. I felt that I had to write about it to gain awareness. Self harm is stereotyped as cutting. I just want you to know that it isn't. Self harm is any kind of pain intentionally brought upon one's self, and it's a growing issue. If you know someone that self harms there isn't much you can do but be there for them. It isn't a cry for attention; it's a cry for help.
I hope that everyone out there stays strong. I know how lonely and unwanted you can feel at times, but just remember that everyone feels lonely at times. There is always someone out there that loves you though, even if you don't see it. I'm here for you. You can message me and I would love to just listen, not say anything; just listen.
If you're reading this then that means that you've made it this far. That proves how strong you are. Don't give up, because you are strong and I believe in you and love you.
Stay strong.

Reviews

[Panda11598]

Wow, this will DEFINITELY bring awareness to self harm. It's not something to overlook and you showed that in this piece. I know your ending usually aren't sad, but I think it was appropriate for this piece. It shows that self harm is truly a serious thing, and it's nothing to laugh about. amazing job!

[Taylor Ann]

Thank you so much. Your review is greatly appreciated :)

[touchthesky]

Fick dich. Not really. I'm sobbing now. I lost my best friend to self harm and you did and amazing job writing this. Thank you.

[Taylor Ann]

Thank you for the review. It means a lot to me.
I am very sorry to hear that, sincerely. I can't begin to fathom how it would feel to lose someone close to me due to self harm. You are strong.

[nihilistictablelamp]

Lovely read sweetheart. I hate to say it but it hits close to home for me. The last line utters so much truth. Thank you for the story.

[Taylor Ann]

I'm sorry to hear that you can relate so closely to this. Stay strong, love.
Thank you for your review. It's much appreciated.

[Chet]

Wow, this is very well done. I knew someone like this and you captured her perfectly. Thank you for writing this and sharing it. Now excuse me while I go dry my eyes.

[Taylor Ann]

Thank you for the review. Stay strong.

[NCalebD]

I love this write. Great story, solid transitions, accessible characters, heartfelt and true. Loved every word, great job.

[Taylor Ann]

Thank you very much.