Dark Floor

Dark Floor

A Poem by Fire&Ice

A lime luminescent burns into their lids

A shadow slips over them like silk

A head heeds the sleep hovering around

A face fathoms their own faith

A muscle moves beneath its mantle

A person pleads for sleep

A whimper wakes me

A cry compells me further

A notion that no one else knows I'm awake

A bird bellows a bugle

Allowing my avoidance

© 2008 Fire&Ice

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great job, i like how this has been laced together. it seems to me to have great flow.
like i said great job.

-mike kerr-

Posted 15 Years Ago

So observant early in the wee hours. I'm lucky to avoid running into a wall in those tender hours.
Very nice structure to the poem. I like how you described with analogy each of the observations. The title was so appropriate....

Posted 15 Years Ago

This poem has a solid construction. I enjoyed the sensory imput it gave as I read it. I'm impressed at the flow of the words, and the thought connection. Your writing is very intentional, and I feel that your creativity will balance off your knowing how to structure the mechanics of poetry in future writings. You have some stong metaphors that set the tone of the poem . The imagery allows you to see the situation unfolds right before your eyes. Overall, this is a good work! I hope to read more poems and and/or stories written by you.

Posted 15 Years Ago

1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

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3 Reviews
Added on October 6, 2008




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