SMile :)

not at all as happy as you think it'll be

Free Write 1:

“It’s better this way,” she said firmly. Her voice wavered and broke, showing that she was trying to convince herself of that just as much as she was trying to convince James. He reached out a hand and allowed it to travel through her honey-colored curls that lay sprawled out over the cotton-cased pillow. She angled her body closer to him. The sickening scent of hospital wafted towards James noes. The little details jumped out at him, keeping him inside of this sad reality. Breathing heavily from the slight movement, she added, “and I love you. You know that right?” 

This point needed no convincing; but still she stared, driving the point home to his heart. He reached over the bed rail and grabbed her right hand, enclosing it in both of his.

“I don’t know how I’m going to live without you,” he said. A sigh, heavy with sorrow, wove itself through his words. Tears blocked his throat, and he could feel them rising behind his eyes. He declined their suggestion to slide down his cheeks.

“But you will,” Emily said. She gave him a weak smile; a smile that cracked James heart straight down the middle. Between the rim of her lips, James saw everything he’d ever promised her. All the somedays, the laters, the eventuallys. He watched as each and every promise faded into impossibility as her smile drifted to a grim line. Her eyelids slipped regretfully over Emily’s tired eyes, no long her having the strength to hold themselves up.

He looked back up at her heart monitor. The high-pitched beep that signified the drum of Emily’s heart had dwindled down to a seemingly rare occurrence after her four days of thriving in this bed. Even as he watched her now, he could see her strength disintegrating to levels he hadn’t though possible for anyone, let alone his Emily. James heart sank to his toes and stubborn tears rise to his eyes, now, refusing to be restrained. He watched the color drain from Emily’s ever blushing cheeks and shouted at her, begging her to stay with him, knowing that she couldn’t. He sensed the lively light diming behind her soft lids; and he felt her hand grow unnaturally cold in his. 

At the last possible second, he saw Emily smile. It was a weak, closed smile-not at all one of her famous Emily grins, but a smile nonetheless. He lips caressed all the contentment of someone leaving this world knowing that they had loved well and had been loved well in return. As he watched her, the heart monitor gave off a long, constant drone. As nurses and doctors flooded the room, James stared at that curve for the few seconds that it took for it to fade out of existence. With lead-like feet, and a twelve ton heart, James allowed himself to be shuffled out of the hospital room, and into the arms of a sympathetic nurse.