I'm Fine

A haiku

”I'm fine.” I uttered
While mascara’s raining down
My cheekbones,” I'm fine.”

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Where are emojis when you need them? This is sad. it would feel more powerful without the gerundive (though that works to some extent, especially as a digression from the norm, so it defies expectations). Play with that a bit, see which you find trips off the tongue better: as is or "While mascara [disyllabic synonym of "rain"] down".

But I enjoyed this very much. Short and powerful! A world of meaning in 17 syllables. Well done!

[Talia]

Thanks. I do agree I played with that word. Such as pouring or rolling. But my gut went with raining.

[emipoemi]

I was referring to a disyllabic synonym of rain, though, not the gerundive, like "trickle" or "drizzle' (conjugated accordingly). The gerundive in this case says something, and says something cool, but my suggestion was to play with the difference between the gerundive and fully active verbs to convey your image.'

[emipoemi]

....like by all means keep it as is if your gut is saying so, for that's the Muses talking and you never resist the Muses under any circumstances. But it doesn't mean you can try things out to see whether or not they work better (that's collaboration, and the Muses can tolerate collaboration - it's utter control over an literary endeavour that they do not take kindly to).

[Talia]

Thanks, I might play with it a little like I do all my work.

[AJW]

I laughed and I thought
I am like this everyday
Great poem indeed

[Planet x]

powerful
I love it
you created a perfect world here , tell so much with so little
you made me wounder again

[Mr. D]

You know what? I'm fine too. In fact, I'm fine even when I'm not fine because I can't afford to be emotional. Emotions make us do stupid things. I prefer to be logical. If you're logical, the only thing that can destroy you is someone who is less logical or more logical, depending on how you want to view it.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

sad write, nicely expressed

[Talia]

Thanks for reading.

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

not a problem....

[TheJordBaker]

So true, and we can wear a mask so well when required.

Great writing.

[Talia]

I agree, and sadly, I'm good at it.

[Einstein Noodle]

we do so foolishly put on false faces don't we?! ... making the burden that much more heavy and prolonged ... one reason we need a trusted friend that can sit silently and just share those tears ... haiku are usually about nature ... senryu about people .. usually including human foibles in it ;) i can't tell you how many times i have had to look up the difference until finally getting it cemented in me noodle ... :) peace and joy ... see you 'round the Cafe' eh!?
E.

[Talia]

Thanks for reading.

[David Klay]

The depth of sadness and hurt visualized in so few words. Well done, Talia.

[Talia]

Thanks for reading, David.