Rope of strength

wrote this when i was going through stuff

I am at the end of my rope.

The rope of strength and life

is slipping out of my hand inch by inch.

I am desperately holding on, in tears of

the powerful strength of pain and guilt

weighing on me. Tired and weak of holding on,

I still fight using all of my strength, still trying

not to give up. At this moment it is hard to show

strength, it looks like I am struggling and everyone

senses it. It makes me more and more overwhelmed

as the people around me sees me looses more and

more of myself. All I can think of is, if I fall now,

how can I get back to where I was when I gained

my strength again? My body is telling me to give up,

it is telling me to just fall. I am scared to death, but I

still hold on. I try to show that I have the strength to

make it through still. What persuades me more to let

go is when people I love feels at times like I don't have

the strength and that I am already giving up. Each time

I slowly start to believe they're right. God is holding on

to the rope on the other side holding me up, encouraging

me that it is not too late. The devil keeps pulling from my

foot making it harder for me to hold on. To God, he believes

I am stronger than the bad and the negativity that's been

weighing on my shoulders.

As I am afraid, it is harder for me to think properly to

get on the right track again to fight stronger than what

I have been. Being afraid has made me forget that God

is holding me up from falling into nowhere.

When I look up again and I see a hand holding on to the rope,

I know it is him and I know he has been there when I have not felt

like it. I begged for his help, apologized for the mistakes I

made and forgetting about him. As I cry when I call to him,

it makes it hard for me to concentrate on holding onto that

rope. God grants me strength, and I stopped crying. I use

my other hand to grab onto the rope pulling myself up again.

While it is wounded from the battles of pain that I have faced.

I tried crawling up, but the devil keeps pulling me down.

Others do not bother to look at me as I show that I have

not given up. I am still alive and still fighting. I try harder,

and try to go a little faster than my heart beats at a fast

rate of adrenaline. I get to excited and do not watch what

I am doing. I run into another obstacle then immediately

I start thinking, I can not do it. It hits me with all it's got

and right when I had it and I was soaring far and high

that is when everyone looks over again. Each hit makes

me weaker and weaker, and I slip falling all the way at the

end of the rope again right back to where I was in the

beginning. Everything restarts but I am in even more

pain and even more doubtful that I will succeed.

More and more I feel myself giving up,

I feel like I am slowly letting go....