Am I in Reality

This is a new version of this poem let me know if you like it better

A crack is forming in my reality

Is this what it's like to loose my sanity

I look around and nothing seems right

The days are dark and the night is light

****

Oh please let this be a dream

Something beautiful and serene 

But the darkness haunts my thoughts

The ground starts to get incredibly hot

****

This must be hell I tell myself

Maybe my brain has gone off the shelf

Or maybe this is just who I am

Caught in a life I can't unerstand

Author's Note

work in progress... all comments welcome

Reviews

[Livana Lowell]

The connotation could be uplifted to fit the meaning, but the flow of the theme or controling idea is spectaculiar. From the agony of insanity to the contrast of dark flames.

I think this is your strongest line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" and then the following lines after it emphasizing that the crack in reality has impacted you so much.

However, this line: " The days are dark" could be so much stronger, like a synonym for dark or something.

This line "the night is light" could aslo be better without breaking the rhyme scheme.

Even this line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" could be much better to create a deeper meaning.

Other than that, keep working on this, this could is a wonderful idea and desrves to become better more than a five minute write.

[A.r. Bazian]

i can relate... this is very good work!

[Jade (insanity)]

I liked it, as the other peices. I thought the point was well written. It tells how many people feel, all the confusion and sadness in life, well it sucks. As told in the line "Am I in hell, I ask myself" (which reminds me, there should be a comma in between Hell and I :D) It shows just how hard life can be sometimes and how it can trully suck. Great work :D
Keep writing,
Jade

[Joy Lynn B.]

So far this is going great!

[Khaotic Katastrophe]

i like how it ended. it's great how it is; i don't think you should add or take away anything. it makes you sit and think. great write

[MissWordSmith]

haha nice.. i like the odd ending!

[Frantzuu]

very awesome write, :D

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Awesome!! I would leave it here. I think its perfect as it is.
I like the way it causes the mind to wonder at the end. Too
much explanation can take away from the momentum of it all.

[S.W.]

Really enjoy it so far and will be nice to read the finished product. Also agree absolutely with the high poet no rush. I also thought it had finished and was rather good knowing we now shall wait for more.

[Miss Coral]

Wonderful flow and rhythm- there were only two things:
*serene
and I think it was supposed to be "Or has my brain gone off the shelf"

Overall, awesome poem. Loved it. Great job!