Am I in Reality

This is a new version of this poem let me know if you like it better

A crack is forming in my reality

Is this what it's like to loose my sanity

I look around and nothing seems right

The days are dark and the night is light

****

Oh please let this be a dream

Something beautiful and serene 

But the darkness haunts my thoughts

The ground starts to get incredibly hot

****

This must be hell I tell myself

Maybe my brain has gone off the shelf

Or maybe this is just who I am

Caught in a life I can't unerstand

Author's Note

work in progress... all comments welcome

Reviews

[Livana Lowell]

The connotation could be uplifted to fit the meaning, but the flow of the theme or controling idea is spectaculiar. From the agony of insanity to the contrast of dark flames.

I think this is your strongest line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" and then the following lines after it emphasizing that the crack in reality has impacted you so much.

However, this line: " The days are dark" could be so much stronger, like a synonym for dark or something.

This line "the night is light" could aslo be better without breaking the rhyme scheme.

Even this line: "The ground starts to get terribly hot" could be much better to create a deeper meaning.

Other than that, keep working on this, this could is a wonderful idea and desrves to become better more than a five minute write.

[LonelySoul]

I wake each morning and ask myself these same questions,keep working on this and let me know when ...I'll give it another read,ok?

[A.Lee]

Sounds good so far. I like the way its paced.

[Chris Lotus]

I didnt even look at the note and guessed you werent finished with this yet. Sometimes i guess right and sometimes wrong. So far im liking it, but i just gotta hear the rest! No rush take your time, man. Keep it movin'!

[Anicca]

I really enjoyed this piece! Well done.

[Alicante lullaby]

happens sometimes...just let it passand then there would be light..

[The High Poet]

just a little something I jotted down last night