Prologue

Prologue

A Chapter by Frederick E. Conkling

Prologue

 

 

    Jonah Riley looked upon the planet beneath him with a combined sense of sadness, fear, and wonderment. The blue and green mud ball had been the home of humanity for billions of years. To be leaving it now filled him with a sadness that should be saved for lost family or lost loves. It tore at him, ripping at his heart. But while the thought tore at his heart, it also spoke too some primal part of him. Somewhere at the back of his mind, a growing piece of Jonah was realizing how far the butterfly effect could extend.

    “Mr. Riley could you please explain sensitive dependency on initial conditions?” Mr. Johnson, Jonah’s old professor teacher asked.

    “You mean the butterfly effect?” Jonah scowled.

    “Yes, Mr. Riley,’ Johnson sighed, “The butterfly effect. Explain it now.” Jonah thought for a moment, trying to develop an appropriate response. “Never mind Mr. Riley. I’ll do it for you.” On the white board, Johnson’s hands were a flurry of movement.  “Now imagine a ball at the very crest of a hill.” He pointed to his drawing. “Now if the ball begins to move down hill it can be made to roll into any number of valleys due to variances in the initial conditions. Are you getting this Mr. Riley?” Jonah scowled, writing down the teacher’s description and drawn example.

     Jonah was broken out of his memory by the sound of rock grating along metal. Nearly jumping out of his seat, Jonah relaxed as he realized the ship was fine. With his heart beating fast, Jonah thoughts turned to what had made the debris field, using his teacher’s model as a basis.

     Just take out the ball and replace it with the Apophis, he thought, use the asteroids path as the downhill path, celestial bodies as contributors to initial conditions, and the moon as the valley the ball rolled into.

    Really the fact that the 99942-Apophis asteroid had hit the moon was a fluke. All reports had said that the asteroid would pass by the Earth; no harm, no foul. Instead Jonah had seen as the asteroid shot around the sun and impact the moon, shattering it in a single catastrophic blow. The result was almost half the moon’s mass being thrown into orbit with the Earth. The fact that the date was 12/21/2012 didn’t help in calming the public.

      The world he knew it had changed. Superstorms popped up the world over; Rome was devastated by a single light storm, California and Japan destroyed by tsunamis caused by chunks of fallen space rock. Thousands of lives were lost in countless other incidents. Jonah was again ripped from his thoughts by the sound of grating steel.

       “Are you guys sure the ship is safe,” Jonah heard the passenger facing him say to the pilot. The man was a wreck; sweat was pouring off his brow, eyes wide and bloodshot moving back and forth, body shaking.  “If the hulls punctures we’re screwed. Within seconds shlop. You, me, and everyone else is sucked into space. Game over.”

      Jonah rolled his eyes, but he knew the man had a point. It would depend on where they were hit and by how many objects, but he had a point. 

     The ship itself was egg shaped, having just enough room to fit the four people that inhabited it now, not including the pilot. With a wide front window and oval wing bound thrusters, the egg was a hard target to hit.

      If they were hit my something big it would be like being tackled by a coke machine with legs; a quick hit and then ouch game over.

      Assuming the object was smaller, it would be just a pinprick on the surface. Jonah could hear the hissing as the atmosphere was sucked out as the ship was depressurized. He heard as the pilot swore and flipped the switch allowing oxygen masks to fall from the ship ceiling. From there Jonah could only hope and pray that oxygen could hold out until they reached Cerberus-Base-1 on the moon or any other station in the immediate area. 

       That’s only if we get hit my one Jonah reminded himself. If they were hit my more than one the effect would be catastrophic. One by one, the micro asteroids would cut through the hull. Eventually the ship would resemble a phone book caught by a round of buckshot.

     Like the man said game over.

     Jonah felt the ship lurch to the right, circling around the moon into the sunlight. It was then that Jonah saw it.; there was Cerberus-Base-1.

     It gleamed in the sun, a massive silver starfish that stood against the grey stone. From its surface towers of glass and steel rose up into the sun, unconstrained by the chains of gravity. Jonah’s shipped swerved between the between the towers, whipping its passengers to and fro until they came a single monolithic tower in the center of Cerberus-Base-1. They entered the tower from the very top, a hatch door opening and allowing them entrance.

     “Alright everyone off,” Jonah heard the pilot bark.  Jonah moved quickly, flowing out of the ship and onto the launch pad.  Once everyone was off the ship took off, leaving back through the hatch.

      “All new occupants please enter the elevator to your right for processing. Thank you and have a nice day.” A woman’s voice blared as a doorway to Jonah’s left opened. He and the group entered quickly, door closing them inside. Once inside the sound of machinery and scratching metal echoed as the elevator began moving.

      Within moments Jonah and the others got a better look at the station then they did from the ship; cars shaped like
Deloreans without wheels flew through the low gravity. Dozens of lane mobbed each other. Lights flickered on and off throughout the towers. But it was the sky above that drew Jonah’s attention.

      From the outside it looked as if there was nothing preventing the debris from destroying its spires. From the inside it looked much the same, but every now and then a blue ripple would form in the sky.

      Should’ve known this place would have a shield of some kind, Jonah thought, grimacing at his stupidity, seems a bit much though. Must consume a ton of power. They should have gone with a better design, something focused around the buildings more.  

     Jonah was brought out of his thoughts by something impacting the barrier. The elevator lurched as the station was impacted.

     “Oh s**t,” Jonah cursed, as the barrier was punctured. His vision was filled with yellow light and his ears a dull hum. Then the yellow light vanished, and Jonah looked to the sky for it source.

    He was greeted by the same yellow light; were it at a distance he would have thought it a star. But the light grew closer, again stabbing through the shielding with little problem. It moved across the station like a fillet knife through a fish, humming growing louder as the beam came closer to Jonah’s elevator. It passed through the elevator, clipping Jonah’s arm, severing it at the elbow.

     Shouldn’t there be more pain? Jonah thought, while the other passenger screamed. Moments later the world went black and the screaming ended.



© 2010 Frederick E. Conkling


Author's Note

Frederick E. Conkling
This is a work in progress. I appretiate all comments on this piece.

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Featured Review

I was prepared to be bored when I started reading this. Prologues tend to do that to me. This was actually interesting, instead.

You could definitely fix places where words are repeated too close together and fix up grammatical issues. In the first part, Jonah scowls several times. There are plenty of alternatives to use rather than sound like a broken record.

The first part with the teacher didn't make sense to me. Is he on the ship with Jonah or is he part of a flashback? What's the point of the exchange? If you don't need it, then maybe you can cut it out.

The action seemed to go by too quickly. Maybe the characters need more time to panic. More drmatic language could be used in these places as well.

Aside from those minor issues, I like this :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i like this you drew me in a kept my attention, when first started reading i thought ii would be like the movie the butterfly effect so i was prepared for that, but surprised me (wich i like) i am not good with technicals but i would like to see you take out some of the repetitive words that you use a few times in on paragraph, but still with that said, i enjoyed it, the imagery was great. well done.

Posted 14 Years Ago


At some parts I understood at others I didn't. I liked it regardless though. I understood what you meant by the end of the prologue. I really liked it. It wasn't boring. It was good. I can't wait to read the first chapter now. I hope it as interesting as this. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


I was prepared to be bored when I started reading this. Prologues tend to do that to me. This was actually interesting, instead.

You could definitely fix places where words are repeated too close together and fix up grammatical issues. In the first part, Jonah scowls several times. There are plenty of alternatives to use rather than sound like a broken record.

The first part with the teacher didn't make sense to me. Is he on the ship with Jonah or is he part of a flashback? What's the point of the exchange? If you don't need it, then maybe you can cut it out.

The action seemed to go by too quickly. Maybe the characters need more time to panic. More drmatic language could be used in these places as well.

Aside from those minor issues, I like this :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Pretty cool. I like science fiction and fantasy. I won't comment on structure. I'm not a novelist. :o) I'm just a poet. I admire anyone who has a large enough concentration span to write books!

Posted 14 Years Ago


I totally agree with the below this is great- and yes it is more like a chapter than a prologue but I am left to wonder if you meant prologue in the sense of an introduction to the reader of the pending story.... or prologue as a title of the chapter thus catching the reader up on the world as it is to Jonah?

Well done--looking forward to reading more of this!!!

Posted 14 Years Ago


This is good:). There are grammar problems and parts that don't flow but over all the story and characters are well introduced

Posted 14 Years Ago


Great job i loved it all the way through you are an amazing writer and i think youll do great with the rest of your book!

Posted 14 Years Ago


The prose of this version appears more succinct, which is a big plus, and a little more on the 'showing' side than the version before as well. Still, there is a lot of telling. For instance, instead of telling us that the main character is sad to leave the planet ('mud ball' is a bit too juvenile an expression) perhaps he could look at the fading image of the planet on screen, with a sad or 'wistful' expression. Every time you tell us how he feels or what he thinks, try showing this via his expressions, or have him actually think it in italicized quotations:

Instead of: To be leaving it now filled him with a sadness that should be saved for lost family or lost loves.

"I may never see home again," he thought; the intensity of the notion's accompanying sadness surprised him. "It's not like someone died or anything..." he remanded himself, scowling. "Concentrate on the mission..."




Posted 14 Years Ago


And I agree with Meredith Greene. Lol.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 14 Years Ago


I am glad you are yet perfecting this piece. The first two sentences : you repeat the use of 'beneath' too quickly. The prose harbors a great deal of 'telling' instead of showing; allow your characters to act out the scene instead of narrating to the audience; show Jonah's emotions on his features, instead of explaining them. Quote what the physics professor said, and insert it as if the character is recalling the information, instead of having the information float around in the air. It is an improvement and the concept is intriguing; i highly recommend reading a few classic sci-fi book, like Out of the Silent Planet, C. Lewis, or some of Asimov's work. Use their sentence structures as a model, their tone as a guide and their showing as a teacher in how to draw in the reader, verses talking at them.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on February 9, 2010
Last Updated on April 16, 2010
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Frederick E. Conkling
Frederick E. Conkling

Here. There. Everywhere. Nowhere. Take your pick., MN



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My names Daniel. Here's some things about me. Favorite Quotes: "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings." -- Optimus Prime, "Transformers" "The cake is a lie." -- Portal "There is no.. more..

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