Dear Former Lover

A letter to the estranged.

I remember a time when things were so much different.
I remember 08 that Halloween after we first moved in together. Remember when you were the black Hugh Hefner? and I was your favorite play boy bunny? We went with the pearls to that haunted house, and we we're all so scared.
Remember that thanksgiving? it was the first in our new house, and we made a big meal. We found out the baby was a girl, and we both said "f**k" at the same time cause we had already picked out a bunch of boy clothes and the nurse doing the ultra sound looked at us like we we're crazy. Remember when we filled out the paper work for delivery and you picked out our daughter's name? Remeber when we told each other everything? Remember when you took me to see Biggie cause you knew he was my favorite rapper? or when we went to that free fair together but Hayden was too young to get on any of the rides? Remeber when you, Hayden, and I went to see Madea goes to jail and she threw up on me in the middle of it? Remember when I was giving birth and I couldn't have anything to eat, so you and you're sister sneaked into the bathroom so you wouldn't eat in front of me? Remeber when you gave me my first kiss? on our wedding day? Remember the first time we had sex? I gave you a lap dance , and you gave me your virginity. Thank you for that, I will always have it, what a wonderful gift you gave me. Remember 9:00am every day when we would skip class and roam the halls together? And When Sargent major saw us roaming the halls together we would both look all guilty and try to find another way down the hall but he knew cause he would say "you're other half just went that way" "if I see one of you I know the other ones not far away." Remember math class together? I made a 9 you made a 13, we skipped that class too. Remember ROTC? you would always call me to go with you to take down the flag at the end of the day, and you hemmed my uniform pants for me because I could''t afford it and didn't know how to sew. Remember when you found out I was sleeping at the school because I did not want to go home and deal with the abuse? Lol you teased me so hard about it, but I didn't care I loved that about you. Remember when we hadn't seen eachother for a year? And when I was scared to see you but Ms Stevens made me. And you embraced me with the biggest hug as if nothing had happened? Remember when my mom was living with us and we got into that fight, and when you came home from work that day you tried to talk to me about it? I never saw you as more of a man then that day. I remember you use to come home in your uniform and oh how it would tease me. I wanted you so bad. I remember every afternoon i would start cooking at 3pm to make sure dinner was ready for you when you got home. Remeber when we we'rnt talking to each other but we had both eaten those collard greens, and we were sick and throwing up? Remember when you came and got me to take me home? and I started crying and you took me to Wendy's to make me feel better? Remeber Marta rides where people would act so uncomfortable about the things we we're talking about? Remember our song Dylan? " A whole New world" you really did show me a whole new world. Remember that Christmas you spent at Paris Island? Remember when we all went to that Chinese restraunt and you just laughed listening to Zahara talk? Remember when you came to see me and Hayden in 09, and we got so annoyed with the stroller on the trains and buses? remember the nights you allowed me to hold you? Remember that crispy march morning when we said goodbye? Did you know that goodbye would be for good? Did you know i waited out their with you for hours wishing you would kiss me? Did you know i feel in love with you in piano class? Did you know I can't stop loving you? do you know i have all your pictures from Afghanistan? Do you know i have all your letters from boot camp? Do you know I wasn't ready to say goodbye? Remeber when Hayden was born and I watched you hold her in her arms for the first time while they we're sewing me up? Remember the November before when she tried to come out to early and I was in so much pain I was screaming and you we're rushing down Western Boulevard? Remember you taking pictures at the park in Roswell? When I was pregnant and we we're throwing sunflower seeds at the ducks? Remember when we brought hayden home and she slept in the bassinet in our room? Remember when we had those MRE's for dinner? Remember when I was yelling at you when we moved into town center apartments and you stood at attention and I couldn't be angry no more cause i thought it was sooo cute? Remember when you knew where your father's day present was but you still didn't peak in the drawer? Remember when I first saw you when you came home? Remeber that letter I wrote you right after the car was totaled and I said you couldn't read it until you went to work? Did you wait until you got to work? Remember when You, Shrout and I went to see Madagascar 2? Remember when the Pearls first moved in and you would hold me in your arms while we watched movies together in the living room? Remember when I bought you Iron man? Remember when I use to sit at your feet, when I ate while we we're watching TV? Remember when I almost overdosed on your codeine, when my tooth was killing me because I read the bottle wrong? Remember those 3 days we spent in the hospital together and the food was terrible? Remember telling my mom I was on bed rest when we were at the military ball. Remember making my mom buy you beer because she called you manipulative? Remember when you use to fuss at me for not eating enough while I was pregnant? Remember when you fussed more cause I couldn't remember to take my prenatal vitamins? Remember when we went to church together and you told me I was pregnant a month before I found out? Remember when I was in Foster Care and you use to call me at 12 and we would talk on the phone until 3 in the morning. Remember when we use to pretend to go look for jobs together? Remember when I stole those three shirts for you? Remember when your roommate would call me and tell me about a platypus? Remember when you sent my that card when you found out I was pregnant? Remember when you use to make fun of my "mustache" in JROTC inspection? Remeber when you laughed cause I was wearing mismatched socks? Remember when you said you hated hamburger helper but you loved mine? Remember when Jackson's wife called while he was over and she said "you eating that b***h's hamburger helper? you don't be scraping mine off the plate like that!" Remember when I use to mow the lawn because I figured you worked hard enough? Remember when you bought me Phoenix (the dog)? Remember when we had phoenix the rat and you left him in the car and he died? Remember when i made shepard's pie and you ate half the pan by yourself? Remember when we got our tattoo's together? Remember when I held your hand while you we're getting your prince Albert? Remember the picture wall? Remember when we use to try to sing together in piano class and everyone would laugh at us? Remember when we found out Micheal Jackson died and you we're devastated? Remember that night when we we're suppose to be cleaning our room and we ended up dancing all night to Micheal Jackson songs? Remember when I made that sorry excuse for potato cheese soup? Remember when I use to make sweet tea but it was always too sweet for you? Remember when we we're in Wal-mart and we said that guy looked like a serial killer, and when we turned around he was standing there staring at us like he was going to murder us? 6 years is too short, but I told you I cherish everyday. Remeber when you held my hand and you counted until it was time for me to push? Remember when I told you it was time and the baby was coming? I can only imagine how fast you sped home. Remember when I would wait in the car or at the library whenever I had a prenatal check up? Remember when I first tried to tell you I was in love with you? Remember when we made that bondage video? Remember when we took those pictures and you showed them to my mom? Remember when we spent that weekend by FT Lenardwood Missouri ? You held me like you loved me. You also pee'd in the Jacuzzi and you and you're friend threw me back and forth in the pool. give that back Dylan.