Turning Away

It hurt to write this, only because I saw noone but me. It really sucks that I'm writing this from expierience...:/ Is this good?

Flashing a neon sign

of abandonment

above my head,

I walk the streets,

looking for someone-something

to soothe my pain.

Pity me,

pity me.
Look at what I've done to myself.

Say you're sorry

for the blood

I've forced out of my veins.

Cry for me.

It only makes me stronger.

 

Laughing like a madman

at myself in the mirror.

Self-inflicted heartbreak.

It's my fault.

My fault

my fault.

 

Sick pleasure

from their apologies
I smile,

knowing that they're wasting their time

worrying about me.

Illness

falls over me.

The tears in my sake

fall again.

Little do they know

I dropped the poison

onto my tongue.

 

Look at the mourners

from cold, grey eyes.

People are sobbing

preacher is breathing

a load of bullshit

about how amazing my life was.

(how odd, the thought that he says the same thing for everyone else)

 

I'm in a pretty white dress.

Laying still

so noone will scream.

Bury me into the ground.

But be sure to send me

your useless prayers

before I disappear.

 

Reviews

[Chris]

We write best of what we know - even fiction has our imprint upon and within it.

I would talk on this one but not in a forum... the thoughts deserve better.

"Is it good?" - It didn't taste like Memorex, if that helps.

[Kevin Horsley]

A very one sided view of an occurrence, event, break-up which has caused madness.

The flow is a little skewed but I'm thinking this is deliberate to go hand in hand with the madness.

Somehow, the end of the poem, "Before I Disappear" would be better if from the point of view of a vengeful spirit. This tortured soul will not receive rest in death.

The poem itself, full of anger and despair and unrepentant to the end.

Good write.

[Lily Mae]

This is an intense write and you penned your emotions well.. great write...x

[Silver]

Great poem! It has a lot of feeling. I think you kind of skip from being helpless to being dead (unless it's metaphorical). Maybe you should hover over that transition a bit more, like have a stanza about committing suicide. Also just two things: I would change "little do they know" because it's so overused, and make the last two line of the third-last stanza a bit more concise. Other than that, (and even with that) amazing poem! Congratulations. You really summed it up nicely.

[Helpless]

Yeah I know this feeling.... of helplessness.... hopelessness.... life sucks

[BlueberryKisses]

This is amazing! great write, I loved reading this :)