A Poem by thecoolone52

i was trying write a song but i wrote a poem instead



Peering inside the telescope
A hidden treasure in space
A planet next to the moon
Without a smile on his face
Saturn with a hidden note inside
Taking a detour across
The gloomy skies
Apollo 13 has nothing on me
Showing off his jewelry
To the universe he sings
A lane around the top
With a ring on his finger
Grinning with gray holes
in the middle
Mystery aligns with the stars above
Wondering if this planet has people like us

© 2008 thecoolone52

Author's Note

holla at your boy

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there's something about this one that i can't place my finger on, but it's really quite beautiful.


Posted 13 Years Ago

wow. this is good. your poems are very deep. i like it :)

Posted 13 Years Ago

"Saturn with a hidden note ..." it is almost too perfect. the poem has given a mute planet a toungue to speak

Posted 13 Years Ago

I read it because Saturn's my favorite planet, but I didn't expect something like this. I really love your imagery. I especially love the lines, "A lane around the top/With a ring on his finger" it's awesome personification.

Great job!

Posted 13 Years Ago

I love astronomy, and am inamored with our solar system. The way you have expressed the what you see and "feel" takes me away to Saturn, as you describe this unique planet~ Jude xo

Posted 13 Years Ago

I love Saturn the planet, and this is a great tribute to and insight into the mysteries with which it is ringed. You've found some original images and metaphors to make this unique space body even more so -- good job!

Posted 13 Years Ago

I like how you made Saturn take on a living role here with notes, jewelry and singing. The knowledge and the fun mixed together make this a great write. You could make it into a song by adding a chorus having Saturn explain "why he's so big and bad, putting the other planets to shame" or something like that. hahaha. I love Astronomy and I'm captivated!

Posted 13 Years Ago

This is a very cool poem. Incredibly visual. I love space and this is a great write. Thanks for the read man.

Posted 13 Years Ago

This is great;) I've not heard Saturn put into such wonderful context..your words quite intriguing** I love the line, "To the universe he sings"
also you covering the mystery aspect brings me to that wonderful state of wondering**
Great Write!

Posted 13 Years Ago

That was a very well writen tribute to one of the more mysterious planets in our solar system.
I liked it, it flowed well and sparked my imagination to dream and wonder about other peoples on other probable planets.
Great job!

Posted 13 Years Ago

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21 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on February 28, 2008



Mech., PA

I like to write fiction. It has to be bizzare and orginal or its basically worthless to me. Cause if you write what someone else wrote then whats the point of writing at all? My gramar blows big donke.. more..


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