IV.

         Hermione sat on her four post bed, her eyes bloodshot and her hands shaking. She was furious. At him for lying to her, and at herself for believing him. She looked at the place where Draco normally lay, but was now empty, blankets thrown messily over to Hermione's side of the bed. More tears ran down her cheeks.

"Mommy?" Crispian asked, his three-year-old eyes frightened. Hermione turned to him after wiping her face.

"What, sweetie?"

"Where Daddy go?"

Hermione choked slightly as she went to go kneel in front of him. He wrapped his small arms around her neck as she picked him up.

"Daddy will be back soon." she lied. Hopefully, she thought.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, honey."

She tucked Crispian into bed and went into the living room of the Manor to watch t.v. She was hoping there wouldn't be news of the Slytherin Prince causing trouble or killing himself. She held her breath as she waited for the news to end.

           There was no news on Draco and Hermione sighed, relieved for the first time in awhile. The phone rang, startling her. She answered it and sighed once again when she heard Ron's voice.

" 'Mione, do you mind if I drop in?" Hermione checked the time and the clock hands pointed to eleven after eleven. Hermione made a wish quickly before answering.

"I don't know, Ron. It's late and I have work in the morning."

"I'm coming by whether you want me to or not. You can't be alone right now."

Ron brought more than just himself. He brought Ginny, Harry, Luna and Neville with him. He brought a lot of food with him too. Hermione was greatful for such supportive friends, but didn't know if she wanted to see them at this point. She just wanted to be alone, and be quiet.

           Draco slammed the door of the Manor and stopped in the open doorway of the living room. The discussion stopped when he stepped in the room. Hermione turned to him, her eyes still slightly puffy and pink.

"What are they doing here, Hermione?" he asked, his voice low and raspy.

"Whatever they feel like, Draco. They're my friends."

"At such a late hour? You think if you'd be a responsible mother, you'd let Crispian sleep in a quiet house."

Hermione felt like a rusty knife had stabbed her from behind and from her front. Her eyes watered up.

"Says the father who left his family for a few days unnannounced." she snarled. Ginny placed her hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"It's my house! It's called Malfoy Manor for a reason. I come and go as I please, thank you very much."

"Malfoy, if you cared so much about this house, you wouldn't make Hermione clean it everyday. You'd hire house elves. You'd actually be here to watch your son grow up, not out drinking or whatever it is you've been doing." Harry said from the opposite side of the room. Draco grimaced.

"Shut your mouth, Potter. This is between me and Hermione."

"Then you'd discuss it alone, not in front of her friends!" Ginny exclaimed. Draco glared at her.

"Shut up, Weasely. You have no say in this."

Ron stood up, but Luna pulled him back down onto the couch next to her. Hermione mouthed 'Thank you' to her and Luna nodded.

"Draco, I'd appreciate it if you'd go to our room and wait for me there. I'll deal with you later. Unlike you, I actually want to try to make this work." Hermione huffed and stood up. Everyone followed suit and walked out with her into the foyer of the mansion. Ron rammed his shoulder into Draco's as he walked past.

"F**k you, Weasely." Draco mumbled.

          After Hermione had said goodbye to everyone, she stepped one foot on the staircase and stopped. She returned to the living room and picked up all the dirty dishes they'd used. Draco appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.

"I don't appreciate them coming into my house without my permission."

Hermione scoffed and pushed past him to the sink.

"I've spent more time in this house the past three months than you have, thank you very much. I've cleaned, cooked, taken care of our of our f*****g son!" Hermione slammed the dishes down into the sink. Her voice broke at her last words, and tears spilled down her cheeks once again. She wiped at her face and Draco walked over to her. She could feel his body heat and her heart raced. She waited for him to yell, or hit her. Anything. But he didn't. He just stood next to her, blankly. Hermione was too afraid to look up at him, so she turned away and went to pick up more of the mess in the living room.

"Hermione." he said. She ignored him and continued. "Hermione!" he shouted. Her muscles tensed and she suddenly wanted to hit him. She hated him at this point. Hermione threw a plate at Draco and he ducked before it hit him.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled.

"Shut up! Shut up! You're acting like I'm the problem here when we both know that's not the case. I haven't been able to understand what has been up your arse the past few months, but I hate it. I hate you. If I could leave, I would, but I can't even trust you to take care of our f*****g son! You're so incredibly untrustworthy and I don't know what to do with you! I don't know what to do with myself. I'm done, Draco. But I need to know if what you're thinking before I just take Crispian away from you." Hermione panted when she was done. She wiped her face even if there were no tears, but there was sweat.
"Daddy!" Crispian smiled, running to Draco. Draco smiled and picked him up.

"Hey, little guy. Why aren't you in bed?"

"You and Mommy are loud." Crispian giggled, rubbing his eyes tiredly. When they were next to each other, you could easily tell they were father and son. Crispian had Draco's gray eyes and smile, but had Hermione's nose and hair, only blonde. Hermione's eyes watered again. As a father, Draco was amazing from everything she'd seen in the three years they'd been parents. They were not married, nor did Hermione think that they would get married. She wanted to stay together though so Crispian didn't experience seperated parents, especially at such a young age.

"Pweese tuck me in, Daddy." Crispian whined. Draco smiled and held his hand as they walked up the stairs.

"C'mon, Hermione. It's time to go to sleep." Draco called. Hermione huffed. He was right but she didn't want to listen to him. She cleaned for a few more minutes before climbing up the giant staircase to their room, where Draco was loosening his tie and hanging it up.

"Do you want me to sleep here?" Draco gestured to the bed. Hermione shrugged and pulled her hair into a bun and the base of her neck before crawling to her side of the bed.

"I don't care, Draco. Not anymore. Obviously, nothing is my choice to make." With that, she turned off the lights in the room and rolled over, her back to Draco. Draco came over and kissed her shoulder before climbing onto his side.

"Goodnight, love. We'll talk in the morning."

Hermione sighed, angrily. Even her own conversations weren't her choice anymore. 

          Hermione did not realize she had slept in her jeans and sweater until she woke up sweating in the middle of the night. She had climbed over Draco, being sure to wake him up in the process to change. She had woken up feeling disgusting and grimy, her cheeks crusted with tears and mascara and her throat dry and hoarse. She smelled food cooking in the kitchen and grimaced. She didn't have work today. It was Sunday. She would have done anything for work to distract her, but she settled for ignoring Draco for the day. As she walked down the staircase, she heard Crispian and Draco talking. She smiled, fondly for the first time in days.

"Mommy! You're up!" Crispian smiled at her and waved his tiny hands, covered in sticky syrup. Hermione felt tears behind her eyes for her incredible son. It broke her heart that she couldn't be the perfect mother and Draco couldn't be the perfect father.

"Crispian, do you want to go over to Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny's today?" Hermione asked, trying to sound optimistic. Crispian nodded, enthusiastically with an enormous smile on his face. Hermione smiled. "Good. I'll take you over when you're cleaned up."

"So, I take it today is a hashing-out-our-relationship day?" Draco asked. He didn't sound angry or irritated, just morose. Hermione nodded and looked him in the eyes. His gray eyes no longer sparkled like they once did when they had first gotten together, or when Crispian was first born. Hermione missed the old, sober, loving Draco.

"How'd you sleep?" Draco asked. Crispian sat in front of them, finishing his pancakes happily. Hermione shrugged.

"Pretty good, surprisingly. I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights."

"I know." Draco placed his hand on hers. Only for Crispian would she act like she was happy with Draco. She smiled, weakly at him as he took her hand and kissed it gently. She assumed he felt the same way as her. 

          Once Hermione had Apparated home from the Potter household, she stepped back into her own house and listened for Draco. She heard him in the living room, humming Fledarmaus to himself. She went and sat in the armchair across from him and waited for him to finish reading before she spoke. He finally looked up after what felt like an hour.

"So, what all do you have to say?" he asked, leaning on his left arm. His eyes were pink at the edges and his lips were puffy. Hermione realized he had been crying while she took care of Crispian. She sighed.

"It's time for me to move on." It was all she could think of to say. He looked hurt and confused, a sign for her to explain further. "My friends were right about you. You're never home. As much as I want to make myself believe you love me, I can't. It's hard enough to say that you even like me anymore. All I have are the positive memories of you, and they're haunting me. I'll sit alone in our bed for hours, and there's too much to think about nothing I can do. I can leave it all behind, or see it as a chance for you to change your ways and be a better person. I go everywhere alone, but all I can think of is how much I want you there. Giving up isn't easy, but it seems like it's all that I can do for now." Tears had started to run down both their faces. Draco wiped at his face and went and sat in front of her, on his knees, her hands in his.

"Hermione, I love you. I'm in love with you. I have for three years. I honestly don't know what it is, but I can't help but run away from here. Every memory I have of torturing you in school, my aunt carving into your arm...I can't stand those memories. I didn't know how to tell you, so I just ran off. I was afraid you would think I was a coward, or stupid. I love Crispian. He's the most perfect child anyone could have and you're the most perfect girlfriend I could ever ask for. I love you, with all my heart and I always will. I just don't know what to do at this point." Draco was now sobbing, tears streaming down his thin face. He cried into Hermione's lap but she waited to respond until he calmed down. He finally looked up through his wet, gray eyes and she wiped his face.

"I do love you, Draco. But you've shown me that you can't handle yourself under pressure."

Every movement of his body stoppped. He stood up suddenly and wiped his face.

"I worked for Voldemort. I was nearly killed for not obeying his orders. I did everything in my power to make sure you weren't killed. I handled myself then. What do you mean I can't handle myself under pressure? This is nothing compared to Voldemort's powers." He growled. Hermione shook her head.

"This isn't a life or death situation though. I understand that you can handle that kind of pressure. But this is about your pride as a father and as a boyfriend. You don't want to get hurt. I get it. Whenever you run away, I get that sick feeling that you're not coming back. And with your past of running away, sometimes I really do think you've left. You've left me to rot in this mansion with your son."

Tears had dripped down their faces once again and Hermione stood up infront of him. He hugged her, tightly.

"I want to get married." he whispered. Her heart sank, but she didn't know how to feel. She was in love with him and he was with her. But he was so afraid and she was so angry. She pulled away from his hug and looked away from him.

"Draco, you don't want to marry me. Especially if you can't even handle anything when I'm only your girlfrie-" He hugged her from behind.

"It will be better! I promise. All I've ever wanted was a brilliant and sexy wife. And you're it Hermione. You're all I have. And I want you to be my everything."

Hermione smiled at that and he kissed her neck. She loved knowing she was pleasing someone with just being herself.

"I do want to marry you. I want us to spend our lives together. But if you run off scared, just once, I'm leaving..." she said, quietly and added, "with Crispian." Draco nodded and smiled, kissing her soft lips for the first time in weeks. They hugged for a long time before Hermione went to pick up Crispian. Draco joined her and decided they'd stay for dinner at the Potter house.

          Their love was crazy. Unpredictable, even. It got her thinking that who was she to assume his emotions and how he felt? She wasn't, and she scolded herself for thinking and finding the worst in everything and everyone. Draco looked at her as she held Crispian, who was nearly sleeping on her shoulder as they sat in the living room of Harry and Ginny's house. He kissed her cheek and she smiled, giddily. 

They'd made it out.

 

My Last Song - Dave Coldits