Turn

A conversation between me and my conscience. I had written it the night before a Chemistry exam (Don't bother asking how I went in it. Lol) so as to both experience and capture the feelings of being pressurised.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

BOOM goes the clock.

Before you know it

Your time has run out.

Waiting, hoping,

Dreaming, screaming, wanting to shout.

I know I'm not good enough.

"So why did you do it?"

Because I'm an idiot!

Stupid, Selfish,

Painful...Drama.

If only I could

Turn

The timer around

To the place where sense was found.

"Sense?" Jim tells me. "Pfft, you lack it."

In the hollow knowledge

Of my genetics.

 

Why couldn't life be

SIMPLE ("You already are!")

Taking the teachings you were born to do

Instead of screaming

BLUE MURDER

Of how life was cruel to you

"Shame, it must have dealt you a bad clue."

Shut up, cricket, or I'll s**t on you!

...

...

...

Like surgery in one's fragile soul,

Drawing details

Of Turning your pace.

 

 

 

Author's Note

In this poem, I talk to myself and have sarcastic arguments with my conscience, who takes the form of a cricket, representing Jimmeny Cricket from 'Pinnochio'. There are also some play on words, such as the last stanza: "Of Turning your pace." Over here, the word 'Turning', capitalised to show its importance, means two things. (1) turning, as in, literally turning your body around to face another direction, and (2) turning the hands of a clock backwards and going back in time, to where 'sense was found', i.e., where I made the mistake in the first place.
The poem talks about the possibility of my taking the wrong academic subjects, and that right now, as we speak, I am going on for the wrong profession.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mr. Misanthrope,

As did the rest of your reviewers, I also greatly enjoyed your piece. Having conversations with one's self is not uncommon. Now I'm sure everyone's inner struggles take on somewhat different forms. When I'm thinking things through, while generally there is definitely a "conversation" going on, it doesn't seem to me that there are two individuals talking even if contrary and opposing positions are being thought through. However the use of conversation to resolve positions has deep cultural roots in both Eastern and Western philosophy, certainly made famous in Plato's Socratic dialogues and the Eastern dharmic dialectics of the Mahabharata. So this type of thinking seems to be deep rooted into Man's being.

Regarding criticism of the poem, the only minor point I would raise is that if you want the nature of the parties holding the conversation in your head to be more well defined, I'd spend a few more words in painting them. The "cricket" nature of one of the speakers comes as a bit of a surprise and it would be better for the poem to make this clear rather than to rely on notes. (Even though I am a big believer in notes for poetry, I try to restrict the notes to explaning aspects of the poem that might need deeper familiarity with the material than would be expected of the general reader. For your audience here, most will be familiar with Jiminy Cricket. So only a few words are needed to set the stage.)

A very nice write. Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[darkgurl]

This is amazing, I like this write alot.
You have talent

[cest la vie]

I rather like this piece. It has the undertones of a sharp, spoken word piece. I love rants (if you will) and the honesty in them. I won't ask about the exam. Let's just hope all went well after getting this on paper. Very nicely done!!

[Obsidian Blackbird McNi..]

thanks for the lengthy explantion, but I didn't find it necessary. this masteful work stands on it's own. don't be afraid to back away from your words and let 'em barrel over the reader!!!

[Andie]

I feel your pain, dude

[James Paulin]

There is something about memorization of the periodic table that makes a lot of us feel inferior. Fortunately, we get over it to a degree. I like the introspective conversation but the inner voice could have found something positive to say. Intriguing!

[Twilight]

The theme is highly original, and you have kept some degree of a rhyme scheme. Your concept of the ticking-clock and being under pressure, made me think of a bomb about to explode! Furthermore, thanks for such a detailed and informative Author's Note. This explains quite a bit, which I would not have realised, without it.

Although rather negative, at least this poem seems to be expressing genuine thoughts and feelings. Clearly, you have also used the clock appropriately, due to the association with time and pressure. There is no attempt, at mere affectation. Thankyou, for sharing this with us!

[Sagela]

This is actually a very interesting poem to me. Maybe because I have a very busy mind and I do the same thing in some of my classes.

[Emily B]

extremely perceptive writing, multi-layered and a great overall read

[*SacredWriter*]

Very interesting piece! I liked it a lot. Its very different and unique to others I have read.
People talk to themselves all the time just no one likes to admit it. hehe :) Nice work makes me
very curious about your others.