Turn

A conversation between me and my conscience. I had written it the night before a Chemistry exam (Don't bother asking how I went in it. Lol) so as to both experience and capture the feelings of being pressurised.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

BOOM goes the clock.

Before you know it

Your time has run out.

Waiting, hoping,

Dreaming, screaming, wanting to shout.

I know I'm not good enough.

"So why did you do it?"

Because I'm an idiot!

Stupid, Selfish,

Painful...Drama.

If only I could

Turn

The timer around

To the place where sense was found.

"Sense?" Jim tells me. "Pfft, you lack it."

In the hollow knowledge

Of my genetics.

 

Why couldn't life be

SIMPLE ("You already are!")

Taking the teachings you were born to do

Instead of screaming

BLUE MURDER

Of how life was cruel to you

"Shame, it must have dealt you a bad clue."

Shut up, cricket, or I'll s**t on you!

...

...

...

Like surgery in one's fragile soul,

Drawing details

Of Turning your pace.

 

 

 

Author's Note

In this poem, I talk to myself and have sarcastic arguments with my conscience, who takes the form of a cricket, representing Jimmeny Cricket from 'Pinnochio'. There are also some play on words, such as the last stanza: "Of Turning your pace." Over here, the word 'Turning', capitalised to show its importance, means two things. (1) turning, as in, literally turning your body around to face another direction, and (2) turning the hands of a clock backwards and going back in time, to where 'sense was found', i.e., where I made the mistake in the first place.
The poem talks about the possibility of my taking the wrong academic subjects, and that right now, as we speak, I am going on for the wrong profession.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mr. Misanthrope,

As did the rest of your reviewers, I also greatly enjoyed your piece. Having conversations with one's self is not uncommon. Now I'm sure everyone's inner struggles take on somewhat different forms. When I'm thinking things through, while generally there is definitely a "conversation" going on, it doesn't seem to me that there are two individuals talking even if contrary and opposing positions are being thought through. However the use of conversation to resolve positions has deep cultural roots in both Eastern and Western philosophy, certainly made famous in Plato's Socratic dialogues and the Eastern dharmic dialectics of the Mahabharata. So this type of thinking seems to be deep rooted into Man's being.

Regarding criticism of the poem, the only minor point I would raise is that if you want the nature of the parties holding the conversation in your head to be more well defined, I'd spend a few more words in painting them. The "cricket" nature of one of the speakers comes as a bit of a surprise and it would be better for the poem to make this clear rather than to rely on notes. (Even though I am a big believer in notes for poetry, I try to restrict the notes to explaning aspects of the poem that might need deeper familiarity with the material than would be expected of the general reader. For your audience here, most will be familiar with Jiminy Cricket. So only a few words are needed to set the stage.)

A very nice write. Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[Jane Doe]

Wow! I am speechless, this is absolutely amazing! I love the play on words, and how you brought Jimmeny Cricket into it. This is a wonderful piece!

[KAREN BROWN]

wonderfully written.sometimes i feel we fight within ourselves of how we are what we could be and what and even if it can be changed.we learn from our mistakes in life.we can't go back but we can change it the best we can and move forward with positive in life,there is positive things we just need to search for it. there's things in my life i wish i could take back or change ,but i know all i can do is my best now.I also feel when things are bad or go wrong or make us feel the way we do it makes us stronger. so many times i've questioned in my mind and fought within myself but always in the end it works out.your writting is great thank you so much for sharing.If you ever get a chance if you can read mine as well.please take care karen

[Michael Carr]

I like it, don't think you need to give an explanation of the piece in ur authors note, kinda takes away from what a reader may gather from the poem, instead of being left pondering they're given a summary.

that aside, the piece is wonderful. a great style and the rhyming loopiness, you could say, really add a sence of urgency to the work.
some great imagery and a truly unique style.
well done man.

[[untitled]]

The battle of the mind. We all do it, whether we like to admit it...or not. But you put it in a form of a poem; wickedly different. I like the concept, sort of like Van Gogh in poetry. I totally agree with 'Gaiamethod'. Nicely done.

[Lynx]

Lolz, very meaningful poem, alot of us end up making the wrong decisions in life, but that doesn't mean we should stop making decisions, xD. Anyway, very cool poem, I talk to myself too... almost in the same way, except much harsher... and there's always two, one evil the other nice and me just trying to shut them up. Very nice, managed to make it flow very well, etc. Yay

[Gaiamethod]

This is a good poem and I wonder if you could use more words in the poem to bring out the meaning instead of having to write such long author's notes to explain it. The poem should explain itself to a large degree.
You have a very creative mind and I like the way you can conceptualise the minds movements from one state to another. See if you can do it so that we can connect with those states as well as you do. The mind is obviously of interest to you and you capture it very well, especially when thinking is distorted.

[poet2angels (lynda)]

I enjoyed your poem
Very clever having a conversation with your conscience in a poem...so unique!
I remember Pinnochio :D
Great poem!

Lynda

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

I can tell you are a mature 17 year old, wise above your years. You also have a highly creative mind, just from reading this poem, that is like a journey into your mind for a day, and seeing what goes on. I know how school is stressful, and it is good for you to have outlets like these to escape life. I know I write for that main purpose, to escape, and it is a great catharsis, and purging of my soul of wastes. hee hee.

talk soon.

kena

[Philosophile. (Maddy)]

Per your advice in your review of my "Messy Kitchen," I trotted over here. Not really trotted though, I'm an idiot. I did enjoy this because it reminds me of me, especially right now!!!! I'm torn between all of these different majors. One day, as I tried to decide who I wanted to be, I came up with literally 200 different ones. Though my dreams apparently are unrealistic. I don't know if spies exist, but I do want to be one. Instead, I focus on english. I simply loved this line: "Shut up cricket, or I'll s**t on you!" Because I laughed, and I like laughing hurray! Anyways, I enjoyed this window into your mind.

[jewellz]

This poem has a nice easy flow. but what I really enjoy the freshness you bring to these inner dialogues using themes like crickets, clocks, conscience

These lines were a knock out!
"Shame, it must have dealt you a bad clue."
Shut up, cricket, or I'll s**t on you!

LOL, I want to tell my subconscience to bugger off too