Voices

A girl hearing voices. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

                     Eyes, cold and dark like the night sky, plead for love when I'm gone,

  Wrapped with the voices of your sins.

                            Lips, subtle lips which go wanting, My lush, lustful Lilith.

Hair, a tormented cascade of brown waves, the water you defiled when you spoke of your betrayal.

                                Skin, like living marble, a statuette of my dreams.

 

        

         I know I cannot break you.

 

 

                          Your clamorous touch makes me experience undeath.

     Your skin turns a sickly blue.

                          While in your watchful eye, you regret not taking me...

 

 

      WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!

 

                     *click*

 

...that look...                ...your skin...

                        ...your eyes...                         ...your face...

 

     ...your lips...                     

       ...your hair...           ...your soul's embrace...

 

...is sold...                          

 ...so cold...                    ...cheap and evil...

 

               ...much hate to love...                     

                        

             

                                  "Yet you are an angel, my guardian, my dove."

 

                      *CALM*

 

 

"Ahhhh, blood everywhere!"                              BLOOD

   "You stupid girl!"

 

                           

                        "Elizabeth, please stand up and tell everyo------SHUT UP!!!!                                 

 BLOOD             

 

                      *trickle*                     

                                    Vomiting      purple                   

                                     "Don't hit me!!!"

                 green      

                                   yellow

 

*Urgh*                                   THROWING UP...

 

                                 "Mommy, I feel sick, please don't hit me!"

 

 

 

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

                                   blood

 

          "No,I'm a good girl!"                                    *SOB*                                  

                                      "I love you"

   *slap slap*                               DEATH                       

 

                          LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Liz?                

                 Liz?                         Eliza----

 

 

          --beth!                  ...ELIZABETH...

 

 

*STOP*

 

"Liz?".........."Elizabeth?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"We were talking about why your friends wanted you to come and see a psychiatrist, but you drifted off."

 

"Oh. Sorry."

 

"So, let me ask you once again, why are you here?"

 

                       ??????????????

 

 

                                    (My mind is bleeding a myriad of thoughts.)

                               (And you are the only one who can cradle them.)

 

                         *click*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I thought the 'click' sound would be a good way of showing how the brain moves from one thing to the other.
Also, the reason the pic I chose for this poem is a grey eye, it's to show how thoughts are often pictured as being wispy and intangible, and here, Elizabeth's thoughts have formed a grey, smoking iris in her eye.

Reviews

[J.Black]

I really, really, really wish that I wrote something like this, or even had the frame of mind to write this.
It''s so well done, I actually think I might favourite this!
It's written so well, I stayed focused until the very last word of click, which by the way WAS a great touch.
Very much indeed, a GOOD read!
Cheers,
keep on writing.
I hope to read more like this from you.
x

[Jane Doe]

' Eyes, cold and dark like the night sky, plead for love when I'm gone,

Wrapped with the voices of your sins.

Lips, subtle lips which go wanting, My lush, lustful Lilith.

Hair, a tormented cascade of brown waves, the water you defiled when you spoke of your betrayal.

Skin, like living marble, a statuette of my dreams.'

I love these lines especially, but the entire poem is great. I enjoyed how you arranged each line, it is extremely creative and really brings a lot to the poem. Great writing!

[Bluet_Belle]

:s


This poem hurts...


Its terrible and real and raw and exposed and naked and its wonderful but horrid all at once:s

Great write, depressing, but honest, and honestly great...

[Annalisa]

Wow. This was... amazing. I loved the way that the subject changed and jumped chaotically mimicking the way people actually think. The poem was amazing and the ending... well the ending was like a punch in the gut. Beautiful. Though my one criticism is that I wish you didn't have the little bit before the poem began about it being about a girl who hears voices... It didn't take away from a poem but it felt like someone told me the ending to a movie before I got to watch it unfold.

But great work.

[BenightedWhispers]

Fantastic Luke. I love this. How everything goes so fast, but is still able to be interpreted is fasinating...much like the theme of this poem. Great job. Keep it up.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

this poem made me want to help the girl and save her from the abuse of her mind. Good poem

[Spilled Her Guts in Cur..]

wow. this is so dramatic and...i dunno...real. Like i feel like i'm moving in her thoughts. great work!

[watts]

the dramatic imagery intertwined with the placement of the stanzas gives the poem an edge. i like the "click". great way to describe the changing of thoughts...i cant help but think of a remote control...but i have a strange imagination sometimes...great write :)...namaste

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Intense, surreal, gasthly,
she almost seems a corpse and is idolized yet derranged in her own mind
i get a lot of vizualization, must say, "click" wakes up the reader, :S ----mishy

[Lady Lazarus.]

(My mind is bleeding a myriad of thoughts.)
(And you are the only one who can cradle them.)


indescribably good.
your way with words and format is incredible.
had me hooked from start to finish.
the click is a brilliant effect
I look forward to reading more of your work love ^^

[Adela Muresan]

Woha, this is good.
I like the fact that it's a bit abstract and it isn't doesn't have few ideas for many words.
Great work.

A.M.