Self Harm

I have run knifes down my arms feeling the pain ignite the cold gasoline that runs where there should be warm blood. 

I have burned and scolded my skin forcing my body to answer why I feel as a corpse in a dead world. 

Oh but the darkness always wins for it steels the time between the thought and the action. 

Just leaving me with the consequences of actions that are not mine.

The last blades of soft green grass are pressed beneath my shoes as I balance upon the edge. 

The fight between the rocks and waves send surging winds that are pulling me ever closer to my release. 

Oh, I feel so alive so suddenly as all the pain rushes through me. 

The colours have come to life, it's like a light is dancing across the landscape picking out every little thing I have never noticed before.

I turn and scream back at the darkness "I am brave enough"! 

But we both know that I am not as the darkness has trained me well. 

So I snuggle down into the cold, lifeless, consuming and cancerous embrace of the darkness. 

Now I am left feeling nothing again as the world circles to fast for my eyes or ears to catch and make sense. 

I think how foolish I was to contemplate suicide, after all how can I kill myself when I'm already dead.

 

Copyright 'The Human Voice' 2012.

Reviews

[mattefox]

I love your choice of words, it makes me want to read it passionately as possible.

This is definitely not my point of strength and I have been told to work on several self-harm/depression poems as a project. Your piece is very inspirational and I thank you.
I would appreciate if you read my own attempts?

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Sure thing, thank you for the review. Will head over shortly!

[Laura Storm]

This is perfect. I love the diction and this images. I love the waves of emotions that come from this piece.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Thank you very much Laura, I appreciate you taking the time to comment :-)

[Blue Belle]

Wow. You captured darkness and very good visualization and it was just a really good read.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Thank you LBB.

[Frieda P]

Wow, just wow, really hits you like a ton of bricks this one. Such fierce pain and turmoil in this read. I know this happens all too often, real life is so utterly cruel sometimes. You've really put it out there in a way that was felt to the bone...although disturbing to say the least, a very good piece. Kudos.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Thank you Frieda.

[Boy of the red]

true emotion. i can see myself in this writing so much. the pain i give to myself is more to keep the pain other people give me at bay. it all becomes to much and those simple cuts bring a peace like no other. but all cuts only leave you hollow inside. very good

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

A moment to wake, almost surface from the constant drowning your existance has become. Its not the answer though is it!

[Boy of the red]

no its not. not at all. it never was but god damn if it isnt addicting. luckily i have a love who has helped me greatly and my scars are fading. if the urges would simply stop i swear i would be the happiest man on the planet.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

I have scars across my wrist, one for every year of life. I have blisters on my soul from the friction of forced love. I have gapping holes in my soul where I have swallowed false hope. Yet none of these jagged sharp chisel strikes would I flich from again, for here I stand statued in my awaking.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Oh, to be tortured and tormented by our demons while we slide a blade across soft flesh. I recall the tears and now laugh at the fool. Well written.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

I once wrote 'I have scars across my wrist, one for every day of my life, just to remind me that days are actually passed'. I don't exist in that place anymore and though I know the stupidity of past actions, i never laugh at the fool for he taught me all about strength and resilience. If I had just given in to the darkness then I would not appreciate the light as much as I do today. Thank you for your review Brandon.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

good, we all have much to learn

[asdarkeyesclose]

'The colours have come to life, it's like a light is dancing across the landscape picking out every little thing I have never noticed before.'

this idea of pain making life seem more real is tremendously sad. somehow we need to see the beauty of life and of our own lives without pain, then we can appreciate it properly. i found this very moving but terribly sad :)

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

In the same light as your review, have you never thought is strange that only in death do we get reminded of life. At a funeral someone always says that they are going to change their life, that time is short. We take things for granted and only at the very last moment before it is lost do we appreciate its worth and beauty. Humanity is a wonderful and weird species. Thank you, for reading so much of my work, it does mean so much.