Stories for a Child

Stories for a Child

A Poem by theking
"

Not a story for a child. Just saying.

"

Today, upon that bed I lay

The fire kindled deep inside

The faith I wrought from Christ’s demise

Was questioned, what a folly!

Into that field of white I gazed, the fury began to guide me

For I felt that mobs of men mislead by lies so great to hide

That such stories told of heroes old were stories for a child

© 2013 theking


Author's Note

theking
First poem ever published here. Gimme your thoughts.

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TLK
This poem is very hard to read aloud: the meter, length of lines, and rhyme are all inconsistent. 'Folly' is a word that stands out at the end of the four-line first stanza for many reasons, but it does not go anywhere.

The following triplet is entirely different, and I found it frustrated my ability to read this as on piece.


I was not clear who was questioning the narrator's faith -- however, this is not a big problem. What is problematic is that the last line did not give me enough context or explanation to understand whether the lie is that biblical stories are Children's stories (when they are not) or vice versa.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking constructive criticism so very well. I look forward to more considered pieces i.. read more
theking

8 Years Ago

I went and subscribed to you as well. I read some of your poetry and found that I have long way to g.. read more
TLK

8 Years Ago

I haven't got any training myself: it's just practice. In fact, I've only been looking at stuff abou.. read more


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Reviews

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
TLK
This poem is very hard to read aloud: the meter, length of lines, and rhyme are all inconsistent. 'Folly' is a word that stands out at the end of the four-line first stanza for many reasons, but it does not go anywhere.

The following triplet is entirely different, and I found it frustrated my ability to read this as on piece.


I was not clear who was questioning the narrator's faith -- however, this is not a big problem. What is problematic is that the last line did not give me enough context or explanation to understand whether the lie is that biblical stories are Children's stories (when they are not) or vice versa.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

TLK

8 Years Ago

Thank you for taking constructive criticism so very well. I look forward to more considered pieces i.. read more
theking

8 Years Ago

I went and subscribed to you as well. I read some of your poetry and found that I have long way to g.. read more
TLK

8 Years Ago

I haven't got any training myself: it's just practice. In fact, I've only been looking at stuff abou.. read more

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1 Review
Added on April 28, 2013
Last Updated on April 28, 2013
Tags: christ, demise, child, atheism, atheist, god, fake, exposed, faith, bed, questioned, fire, fury, anger, hell, satan, kindle, field, stories, heroes, old

Author

theking
theking

TX



About
To every man upon this earth Death cometh soon or late. And how can man die better Than facing fearful odds, For the ashes of his fathers And the temples of his Gods? more..

Writing
The King The King

A Poem by theking