Ch. 59 Car Rides

I don't talk to my mom

as we sit in the car.

But of course

she talks to me.

She talks about anything and everything.

"How are you feeling?"

"How's work going?"

"Are you going out again soon?"

"How's Will?"

"I don't see Mary Elizabeth much anymore."

"Matt seems nice though."

"What happened to that other nice boy you mentioned before?"

"Did you have fun at the party?"

I respond

every now and then.

"Fine."

"Okay."

"Maybe."

"Great."

"So?"

"I guess."

"Nothing."

"Not really."

For the past three weeks

my mother has done nothing

but coddle me.

She has tolerated

my moodiness,

silence,

rudeness,

and has never said anything about it.

So I don't blame her

for finally losing it.

I jump

when she slams her hands

against the steering wheel.

"For God's sake, Riley!"

It's the first thing she's said to me in three weeks

that hasn't been dripping

in annoying kindness.

I look at her.

I don't say anything.

But I think that just makes things worse.

"I am trying

so

hard,

Riley," she says.

"Why do you have to act this way?"

Suddenly I can't take it anymore either.

"Well how do you want me to act?"

It's the longest string of words

I've said to her

in three weeks.

"How am I supposed to act?

What do you expect from me?

What exactly do you what me to do, Mom!"

She looks sad and hurt.

She grips the steering wheel hard,

like she wants to break it off the dashboard.

"You already know what I want you to do."

She isn't yelling anymore

but her voice

sounds so angry

and so frustrated

that it seems even louder than before.

I sit up straight.

I'm not upset

that she's overreacting.

I'm not annoyed

that she won't leave me alone.

I just feel angry.

"NO,"

I say.

"I already said NO."

"You won't talk to me.

You won't talk to your father.

You won't even talk to Johnny.

You need to talk to someone."

"You know,"

she says quietly.

"You know it hurts, Riley.

Watching you hurts."

And then I can't breathe.

All I can hear are screeching tires.

All I can see are bright headlights.

All I can feel is broken glass.

I grit my teeth

so hard it hurts.

My head aches.

I feel a POUNDING

in my head that just won't stop.

It's so hot outside

and inside.

But even with the sun

glaring down on me through the glass,

I'm shivering.

I talk to her through my teeth,

because if I open my mouth

I'll start yelling

and I might never stop.

"Well, I'm sorry you're in so much pain, Mother."

I see the toy store finally

and we begin to pull into the parking lot.

It gives me so much relief that I stop grinding my teeth.

My head stops aching.

I stop shivering.

I just want to get out of the car.

If I could, I'd just fling the door open

and leave while the car is still moving.

But I already have one broken arm.

I don't need another.

But I keep my hand on the door handle

so that I can escape

the second she stops the car.

But when she finally parks,

she doesn't unlock the doors.

She opens her mouth

like she might say something.

But before she gets the chance,

I unlock the doors myself and get out.

Before I shut the door though, 

I turn to her.

"You're the one,"

I say, "that's having so many issues.

Maybe you're the one that should go to therapy

and freaking get off my back."

But I don't say freaking.

And for the first time,

my mom has absolutely nothing to say.

Author's Note

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted! I've been super busy and kept putting this off but here's a new chapter of Shattered. I'll try to add some more to make up for all the lost time. Enjoy! Thanks for reading.
--theladygraceling

Reviews

[Fenix Flight]

IT was worth the wait!!! I like the Anger thats throughout this! :-D