The Things That Never Come

The Things That Never Come

A Chapter by theladygraceling

Will drives me home.
He usually drives me places these days,
in his big, boyish, blue pickup truck,
because my car is still being repaired.
Even if I had my car back
I wouldn't drive it.

I still get flashbacks
when I sit in the driver's seat of a car.

A week after I came home from the hospital
I had tried to drive Johnny's car
but I didn't even make it out of the driveway.

I haven't even thought about driving since then.

Will and I are silent.
Usually we're talking, laughing, and messing around
but today
neither of us even move our mouths.
There just isn't anything to say.

I keep my eyes down on my lap
and stare at my skirt
where there's wrinkles
from when I was gripping the hem so tightly in my fist.

I can't look up
because I can't look 
out the windows or the windshield.

So I just look at my legs.

I don't have nails anymore
because I chewed them all down to the nub.
It's a nasty habit.
I had managed to stop for awhile.
But it started up again
three weeks ago.

I look at the chipped remains
of my green nail polish.
I rub my fingers together
then pinch my skin hard
where there's a bruise from the crash.

It hurts
but after awhile I don't feel it anymore,
so I pinch harder and harder
until my fingers are shaking.

But I still don't cry.

My lip trembles
and my breath gets shaky
but I don't cry.

Will sees me
pinching my skin,
not crying,
and he picks up my hand
and keeps it trapped in his.

"You don't have to cry, Riley,"
he says.
"It's all right."

I don't answer.

I wonder though
if it really is all right.

It doesn't feel all right.
It feels very, very
w r o n g.

I wonder if maybe
there's just something wrong
with me.

© 2014 theladygraceling

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Added on May 22, 2014
Last Updated on May 22, 2014



Hagerstown, MD

I am seventeen years old. I have always loved reading and have recently started writing my own stories. I also enjoy drawing and sculpting, have taken piano and violin lessons for 10+ years, and have .. more..

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A Chapter by theladygraceling