Ch. 60 Cleaning Up

I didn't realize it

until I was out of the car

and walking through the parking lot

that I had tears in my eyes.

I have to stop walking for a few seconds

to take a few, shaky, weak, tearful gasps of air.

Then I roughly wipe my eyes

until the tears stop coming.

No, I think to myself.

No, don't let her do that to you.

Stop.

I take a few more breaths

and wait until my heart starts beating so quickly.

And until my fingers stop trembling.

I shake my head from side to side,

like I'm shaking out the memories of the car ride.

But it's all I can think about.

"Stop that," I say out loud.

"Short-stack?"

I look up

and I see Jesse standing by the store windows

with a bottle of cleaner and a squeegee.

He's watching me

and even from this far away

I can see the concern in his eyes

through his wire rimmed glasses.

I stand there, glaring at him.

He must have seen me

storm out of the car.

He must have seen me

struggling to get a hold of myself.

He must have seen me

wiping my eyes.

"Um," he says.

"Hey, Riley."

It's weird to hear him use my real name

but I don't say anything about it.

Instead, I mentally tell myself to move my feet.

And through some miracle,

my feet actually listen

and I start walking forward.

I don't look at him

as I get closer

because I don't know if my eyes are red

or if there are tear streaks on my cheeks.

I don't speak

because I don't want my voice to waver.

But as I walk past him,

he asks,

"Everything okay?"

I might have answered,

if I didn't feel so weak,

if I could get my feet to stop moving,

if I thought he actually cared.

But Jesse never cares.

So I don't stop,

because I feel week,

my feet won't stop moving,

and I know he doesn't care.

Author's Note

Leave comments below! Thanks for reading!
--theladygraceling