First Rewrite/Edit of Let's Bury the Sun

This is the edited version. Not much is changed, just enough.

Since I've burned everything to the ground,

I'll take us to this place.
When the smell of ash and deathis too much to bear,
When the memories conquer us,
To a point when coping is not an option.

I know it's a horrible comparison,
But it makes so much sense to me
Remember his companion? Her name was Fate.
I know you remember.

We won't meet like them -
We actually often do, in a physical sense.

But that part of us is over ;
I'm designing a new home for us to
Fill with our deafening bodies.

I imagine being surrounded, on the outside,
By pools of ivory liquid
Where we go to sit
And have all our questions answered.

The sky above us is a darkening grey

Because I always preferred it that way.

But the sun is warm on our skin.

Behind us is a home
Infested with solid hearts,
Hearts of iron.

We bind everything together,
Together.

There is no time.
There are no real objectives.

We learn, and play, and feel
And grow.
No walls to stop us,
No ceilings,
No lands, forbidden.

Just you and me, boy.
Until the sun comes up.

 

Reviews

[Bran the Broken]

Interesting bits of imagery and metaphor floating around in this somewhat dreamy/trippy piece. Concerning a late-night romantic rendezvous, and/or escape from reality, I'd think? Good stuff overall, a bit random and disjointed.