Underwater Fire

Underwater Fire

A Poem by Shannon

Flaming water rises and falls
Glistening bright orange with its fiery waves

A flame of emotion
Pure lover's lust
Burning bright
With undying trust

Feelings that blaze
Like solar flares
Leaving your mind in a haze
And pronouncing a dare

A dare to fall
Straight into their arms
To let go of it all
and give into their charms

A charming smile
And a warm embrace
worlds hide beyond a profile
Of their beautiful face

Give into the fire
Let it take you away
Let the flames carry you higher
To a better day

A day where the blazes
Shiver and dance
Let loose from their cages
To pull you into their trance

So listen and see
As your heart takes over
Come back to me
And hold me closer......

© 2010 Shannon


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Featured Review

My biased opinion...This was great...the picture you painted was one of romance

My unbiased opinion...
This was a great poem...It was choppy though...The flow was pretty good though It just need a little work on flow...otherwise great job...9.7/10

AA
Gregory

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Dear Shannon,

I've came back to review you even more! I'm so evil! And I saw another one that I need to get around to when I can. Anyways, I thought this could've been better. You didn't seem to put a lot of time into this one or you didn't feel inspired. It feels empty of emotion. It -may- help if you add sound to this, via playlist.com. Some of the rhymes feel forced. If you want me to proofread and edit this, just give me a message and I will.

Now, I didn't mean to be rude, but I've read better from you, so I expect better from you. Also, the clarity of the message in this poem lacks some... clarity. xD The flow is good, but the length of the poem is an issue. If I were you, I'd increase the font size by two or by one. It'd make the lines pop out a bit more. Anyways, see you in the next poem to review. n_n 7.2/10.

Your Reader,
S. W. Scaggs

Posted 9 Years Ago


loved it. loved the metaphoric style. really nice. and the tempo, though different from usual, very difficult to use most of the time, but u used it perfectly.
loved the uncanny feeling to this poem. Keep writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is wonderful; I enjoyed the dancing flames...
Thank You

Posted 9 Years Ago


aawesome poem, bravisimo!!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The ending is perfect for this poem. The structure of the poem make sit so much more flowing. All in all a great write.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wonderful poem. this is cool

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AHHHHHH......well then, ignoring those first 2 lines that you forgot to remove (don't feel bad, we've all done it at some point or another) I can't find anything to criticize - rhyming was flawless, imagery was exquisite and flow was well done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

If i may just clear something up for everyone. The first two lines are actually not a part of the poem, they are the inspirational quotes that led me to write this piece. I apologize for the confusion as i usually remove such side notes during the time i take to look over the piece

Posted 9 Years Ago


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ICE
I thought this piece was amazing. I loved the imagry in this piece.
The flow of this piece was amazing but I agree with Wolf Greytome about the first two lines...they seem harsh compared to the tone of the rest of the piece. Other than that it was a captivating and lovely piece of work that I could tell came straight from your heart!

~Ice

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Outstanding imagery, but the flow could use a bit of work. Overall, your flow is very good, however, the couplet you used to start the piece off is very discordant when view with the remaining stanzas. If your intent was to create a jarring effect right off the bat, then you have succeeded. If that was not your intent, you may want to try softening those two lines up a bit and using 3 lines instead of 2.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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14 Reviews
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Added on February 22, 2010
Last Updated on February 22, 2010

Author

Shannon
Shannon

PA



About
I joined this site in 2009, when I was writing poetry exclusively. However my range has expanded and blended. My once short poems are now some sort of descriptive paragraph/free verse hybrid. I .. more..

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