The Harm, I Do

Coming clean, about self-harming.

How do I

Say this

Without setting off

Any alarm bells

For you?

An act

I've kept silent

From everyone.

Self-harming.

Taking care

Not to expose myself

Over the years.

As I drag

My keys across

The palm of my hands

Until the point

I draw blood.

During

Those frustrating periods

Which anxiety reigns

Supreme over me.

Unlike

Other cutters

My wounds do heal

Without leaving

Any tattletale scars

For others

To see.

Else

Pounding my legs

With a closed fist

During those bouts

Of extreme stammering

As my anger mounts

Against myself.

Until bruises

Covers both thighs

Hidden away

Under my jeans.

Not sure

Why now

I have chosen

To come clean

About this.

Except

It feels right

To me.

Reviews

[BlackRose]

Nothing wrong with saying how you feel and expressing in your own way. We all have times when we think we are at our wits and nothing seems right. It's what we choose to do with it that determines our outcome of life choosing to better or worsen ourselves. Great emotional piece that hits the heart.

[therisa]

BlackRose, there's a very harmful stigma attached, to those, who cut themselves, by society. Already have enough stigmas, with my various mental illnesses and being trans, to last several lifetimes, without adding to the list. I do wish, during these times, I have a less harmful way of handling these stresses, of mine.

[BlackRose]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. It's a shame how the world and some act towards others, even once like you. I know in some parts how you feel and dealing. It's never easy but for me I just have to make the most of what I got and be grateful for it. Not to ay you're not in your own way either. Do you speak with anyone you can trust or some kind of doctor about this all?

[therisa]

Thank you, BlackRose, I do have my nurse practitioner, who I do share, a lot of my experiences, having known her, for 8 years. Writing has become, one of my safety valves, in releasing, some of my pent-up emotions and experiences. Along with Venus, Star and Squeak, my three feline companions.

[BlackRose]

Of course, no one asks to be who they are. They are physically born the way they are and mentally depending. That's great you have her to talk to! Writing is the same for me depending. Other times it just comes popping out of my head or I get inspiration from whatever else, and too good I feel to not put down.

[BlackRose]

I had a cat when I was really young, but don't know what happened to it. I don't remember too much about him, but for sure he must have been a good cat.

[ANTO]

Im sorry this afflicts you Therisa and so many here. To do this to feel something is not seomthing anyone should be going through.
A brave write Therisa and I think you were right to highlight this.

[therisa]

Thank you, Anto, for your support and understanding, of the battle, I face. As for a brave write, not sure, as I am, still trying to understand, what brave means, to me.

[Relic]

If I were there to give you a long hug I would. I never knew how common self harm was until I joined this site. I often wonder how far back it goes when it became a method of getting it all out mentally. This is brave of you to write this but getting your feelings on paper is what this site is all about.

[therisa]

Thank you, Relic, but I would have to decline your offer, as it would act, as a trigger for me. Got enough triggers for my PTSD, as is. I do appreciate, your very kind, though.

[Relic]

Yes, I should have thought about that a second longer before I said it.
You're welcome.

[therisa]

It's ok, your heart is, in the right spot, Relic.