Crossing The Rubicon

Finally seeing the "real me".

Why do I feel like
I have crossed
A point of no return
Within my life
When I look
At my reflection
In the mirror.

I mean
Am still
The same person
Who decided
Little over two years ago
To start hormones.

Even though
I knew the risk
Facing me
Both physically
And emotionally.

Having moved
To a different city
Beginning my life anew.

Knowing no one
From my past life
As a man
Here.

Thinking back
To those very dark days
Sends a violent shiver
Throughout my body
Of numerous
Failed suicide attempts.

Many futile searches
For the reasons
Behind my soul’s sadness.

Never even thinking
I was born
A Transsexual
Until five years ago.

Even though
I knew
At the age of seven
I was a girl
Trapped
Within a boy’s body.

Repressing
My true soul
As I tried to live
A life as a “male”.

Trying to fit
Society’s definition
Whatever
The cost to my soul
I had to pay.

Now
I chase
A different dream
One of unity
Between my soul
And my physical body.

Knowing
The end result
Means a whole person
Will emerge.

Where
A cripple soul
Once was.