The blue bike series// brakes and traffic lights

This is a poem from a poetry bundle im working on! over the past couple of 2 years

The blue bike

Do you use your hands? 

To stop me?

 

-brakes.

 

 

Do I stop you by pulling you closer?

Or do I by taking a step back?

 

-brakes

Why do you push the brake when it’s a green light?

You will always be someone else’s red one dear.

-traffic lights

Author's Note

Hey guys!
it's been a really long time! a few years or so but i have been working on a lot of things
2 poetry bundles actually and I thought maybe you would like to see some!

this are 2 poems from my bundle "the blue bike" it is a poetry bundle about a a girl(me) who owns a blue bike and everytime something happens in her love life something happens to her bike! (this was the original thought and story behind the bundle!)
every poem is about some part of the bike thing of her brakes, her lights, the wheel anything, or just things in traffic like traffic lights or bridges etc.
whenever things happen in her love life something happens to a part of her bike! and during the whole process she starts to see it as an metaphor of things that happen during love.

So enjoy! tell me if u want more! cause I got like 150 of them now!

love,

Shy

Reviews

[Ethan]

I'm not really with the concept of limiting yourself to only writing about aspects of a bike, but I digress. In line 5, I'd avoid referring to the previous question's "stop you" with line 6's "do I by taking," if that makes any sense. In the literal sense, the two lines mean: "Do I stop you by pulling you closer?
Or do I stop you by taking a step back?" However, by referring to the previous line's primary action in a passive way, line 6 makes the reader go back to line 5 and re-read what it is you mean by, "do I by taking a step back." It's important, especially in poetry, to avoid making the reader re-read a passage to understand, purely grammatically, what the author is trying to say. Re-reading due to misunderstanding interrupts the flow of poetry. So, you can resolve it in a couple ways. First, you could simply repeat yourself, saying "Do I stop you by pulling you closer?
Or do I stop you by taking a step back?" Second, you can replace line 6's "or do I stop you" with something analogous to line 5's primary action. Third, you could combine the two questions into one slightly longer question: "Do I stop you by pulling you closer or by taking a step back?" All of this is up to you of course. This critique isn't really a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, and I'd understand if you wanted to keep the two lines the way they are, but you asked for a review and there you go. As for the rest of the poem, it feels a bit skeletal. I'd be sure to fill in some detail and give the poem a little bit more unique personality. However, because this is a series of poems, you may already have enough details in the other poems to supplement this short poem, but I haven't read the rest of the bundle so I can't really comment. Anyway, good job, keep writing :)

[wordman]

well sounds like your trying to help the boy out and he just hasn`t registered in his mind