Mule

Mr.Salty 100% grade A!

MULE

I’m a 150lbs super soak-er sobbing wet feeling about 320…because I do what I do just for the money. Bloated like a cow walking down the street screaming “b***h, how you like me f*****g now!”. They have been leaking for over an hour. My face pasty white-nose red; like a clown who has swallowed all the birthday balloons. I assume soon I’ll be dyeing in the restroom from all I have consumed. Sing it with me kids “we all fall down!” -Or maybe it’s just me homie, on the ground rolled up like baloney, sizzling on the midday sidewalk. Mother fuckers begin to say “look at that guy!” as they walk by. I got up off my back. My eyes just follow my chucker’s, one foot in front of another. When I hear what I fear, “Let me talk to you for a second sir.”-Oh ya sure, at the officer requests I break west. Running in a pattern that resembles BBW curves; wide and back again.

My stomach churns as my flesh burns; from what is the beginning of the overdose? I think someone or something must have popped one of the birthday balloons in Mr. Salty’s stomach kids. This is a bigger “oops” than Mr. Salty breaking a hooker off only to see the condom broke after he's done. “I’m not the father Maury!”-back to the story. I fly down the block like a rocket that just can’t be stopped only to be tripped by a f*****g rock! I crashed harder than NASCAR left into pit lane A.K.A the drain. Oh look! Here’s the cop that has persuaded as he approaches, an altercation ensues between him and kids can you guess yes! Mr.Youknowwho. I break free as he then tases me but, I’m hopped up on that s**t kid so I dance off ghetto style like The Wiz.

I fly into an Italian pizzeria; is there really any other kind? Covered in sweat, about to lose my mind and about to crap more than a dime. I ran into the bathroom, pulled the sitting man out of the stall and attempted to pull off my greatest magic trick ever; making your birthday balloons re-appear “And for my final trick!”…but Houston, there seems to be a problem! Seems kids all this time-through customs-a 3 hour plane ride, that your balloons kind of like it inside! And if this happens, Mr. Salty is surely going to die! Now don't cry-dry your eyes, as I push hard. Shaking my pelvis, god damn kids don’t look now. I think I’m going to do an ELVIS. With this, the cop bust in the bathroom! The abrupt eruption of this made my bowls dismiss the Colombian gift. The officer kicks the stall open to see me sitting looking into the bowl which holds 3 s****y empty balloons. I looked up at the officer and with my dying breath said “Quick get a mirror, cut me up and snort me. I’m 100% f*****g grade A cocaine!”.

The unknown sith…

“I lie to hide the truth which would reveal the evil inside and surely deny the happiness that I believe is only deserved by those who care enough to lie…”