Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A Chapter by Weeping Willow

Who will be Damon's wing


It the beginning of a new year at Oita high school and all the new students are in the hall. On the platform they’re five men all very old, as one walks up to the microphone a young man tells all his friends to talk and not to stop. The whole crowd does this, as the man gets angry he finally yells

“That’s enough, if you don’t shut up I make a human kiss you.” The crowd is silent not wanting to even whisper, all the teachers are smiling as the man begins to talk

“Now, my name is Dede and at this school we teach you what you need to know to survive in hell, heaven, MST world and the human world. Now you all haven’t got a wing let, but I get to that later for now I’ll tell you what you’ll be doing with your wing. First of all your teachers will be giving you MNYP’s they are mission need to be completed for you to pass. Then there are HCM’s high classed missions, which are given out randomly. Also I forgot to say that all missions are to be completed with your wing. And even when you leave school you and your wing are going to run into each other, so be careful. Also you are allowed to pick one of two things at this school kill humans or save them, but you and your wing will have to pick together. Now let me and the leaders find your wing.” Dede walks of the platform with the other leaders and then all these girls rush over to a boy holding a rose.

“Hi girls, my name is Damon” he says smiling, all the girls look at him and fall over

“You lucky b*****d.” Says a boy with scars on his face, Damon walks over to him

“Good to see your alive, Jack.” Damon says looking at him

“Hey, what kind of wing do you want?” Jack says taking of his hat

“A cute girl,” he says smiling. All the girls stare at him almost falling over

“Same hear, but knowing my luck it’s going to be a guy.” Jack says putting his hat back on, they both laugh as the leaders walk back in

“It seems were missing a few wings,” says one of the old men into the microphone. “So if you don’t get just be patient until we get some new students.” Then a huge bang goes off

“What the hell was that,” one of the men says

“I bet its Elpis and Queen again,” answers another, then something crashes into the hall.

“Ha ha ha, you’ll never get me like that.” A girl says flying down into the hall

“I’ll get you, you b***h.” Say the girl coming out of the rumble, she can barely stand as she takes flight she falls to the ground. Damon quickly grabs her, his wings showing to all and the girls go crazy.

“Are you alright?” Damon asks looking at her

“Get your hands off me,” replies the girl falling out of his hands. Then Dede flies in and grabs her

“Your injured, so stop this stupid fight.” He says giving her to a teacher

“But I have to fight.” She tries to says as Dede knocks her out cold,

“You’ve done enough,” he says “Queen, get out of here or else.” Queen flies away, as the teacher takes the girl to the nurse’s office. Then the leader continue with the speeches, after their done they tell everyone their wing but both Jack and Damon don’t get their wing. Dede walks up to them and tells them they won’t be able to do missions, but as long as it doesn’t involve a wing they can still stay at Oita high school.                     

© 2012 Weeping Willow

Author's Note

Weeping Willow
terrible grammar

My Review

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Good beginning:) I like the fight scene:)

Posted 9 Years Ago

I have to agree with deepblue04 on the acronyms. I have no idea what they mean. I would spell them out "Greatest Common Factor, also know as GCF..." this way we know what it is when it is reference, and not to have to many of them as the reader can/may become confused.

It all seems very interesting and I love that fact that the Prologue isn't reiterated in the chapter.

Posted 10 Years Ago

quite interesting, it would be best not to have the acronyms in the first part though

Posted 10 Years Ago

I think it's really interesting. It makes you want to read more.

Posted 10 Years Ago

It's really good

Posted 10 Years Ago

"It the beginning of a new year at Oita high school..." 'it' needs to be it's and throughout the story make sure you don't overuse Oita High School. Try to shorten it and say Oita High or OHS
"The whole crowd does this, as the man gets angry he finally yells" Dont forget your period missy!
"...if you don’t shut up I make a human kiss you.” 'I' should be I'll
"Now, my name is Dede and at this school we teach you what you need to know to survive in hell, heaven, MST world and the human world." When you are introducing Dede you should give her a title. Like is he the headmaster, a teacher? Also you should add a 'the' before MST world and a comma afterward
"...but I get to that later..." I should be I'll and there should be a comma after later
"...mission need to be..." there needs to be an s at the end of mission and a that between mission and need. So that it says ",,, missions that need to be..."

that's all I can find for now but I can come back and correct the rest if you'd like! this is a very interesting idea and looks like it can be a pretty entertaining book^.^ Great write! keep it up!

Posted 10 Years Ago

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6 Reviews
Added on July 28, 2012
Last Updated on July 28, 2012


Weeping Willow
Weeping Willow

Dream land, Shelbyville, Australia

My name is Weeping Willow I am a girl, and I love to write. I’m not always good and usually get bored of something easily. I’m a little weird and far out when it comes to stories. Even th.. more..