The Process

First draft.

Exact same process again.

We stand, I stand

we walk, I stand 

then fall.

I'm on the ground and 

your head, your face

not to be seen, 

too filled with anger to see. 

Look,

actually look, I'm on the ground

and I'm stuck and I can't move 

and your walking 

not stopping, your face

not to be seen 

and I'm pleading, pleading

with myself. Further and 

Further, you stand

but you're still moving away 

clawing and screaming,

silent cries, clinging on 

to what?

Clinging to transparency,

clinging to memories,

of who, me 

you?

Reviews

[H.S. King]

Good. I like the rhythm. My only issue is the bit that says "your walking" because it should be "you're walking". Otherwise, I like it. I get a strong sense of abandonment.