It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

One life, tormented

There is no future; no hope

Her children are gone

Author's Note

For Kim Love's competition

I had decided not to join, but then the Fates put this piece into my head, must've been a sign

My dear friend Truman S. Booth has informed me that because this does not deal with nature it is not a Haiku but a Senryu. Thank you Truman :)

Reviews

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

I can't make up my mind is this sad because she lost her children to the streets they where victims of violence? Or is it sad because they have moved on with their life and she just feels like nothing without them? Either way my friend it's sad, make me want to cry for her... :(

[Valette]

Reminds me a lot of the book "Beloved" by Toni Morrison. An escaped slave kills her child when she is caught by the white slave catchers. The book is about the surviving daughter and the mother trying to live past the tradgedy.

[WordNerd]

AMAZING! A well-written poem with a significant theme!
You have a wonderful gift!
Live long and prosper!

[lostboy]

tragic..

[Zoe Jay]

Ouch. This is stark and effective. It is quite unusual in being quite specific and personal, relating to an individual, not abstracted at all. But this is the absolute essence of senryu - enough said is enough said. Nothing further is required to make the point here. It is not clear whether the children are dead, taken from her, or have simply flown the nest, and indeed, it does not matter, for gone is gone.

[shadow night]

i liked it its sad for many reasons such few words yet it says so much and its kind of like my moms life befor she lost us and her futer went down the toilt

[EdgeOfDark]

Hi TJ!

It really reminded me of a dagger-sharp 'drabble'! No guessing here, what's done is done. Painful and direct.

[Coffee Vampier]

A sad but Impactful write. great job TJ!

[Chelsea]

Such little words but BIG impact and message. I really liked this. i enjoy simple poems that have a big underlying message :D
Keep on Writing!

[traveling mind]

so short so amazing how just a few words can make such an impact

[Bridget Mcmaken]

Sad, wonderful write, very powerful. I love it.