Surrender

Surrender

A Poem by Tinasha LaRayé
"

ponderings...

"

The weight sinks heavy upon crisp-clean-sunken shoulders
Eyes weary from fighting gravity
And losing...occasionally
Mighty blows leave swelling under eye sockets
Like wounded
Like hollow
Are her empty-achy spots
That need filling
She resigns to the idea of quitting
And the war is done
Gravity won
And white light through closed lids
Are her gift of surrender
The splendor of the day is gone
Or had it ever come?
& what will night bring if shadows cloak her day?
What will she wear for bed clothes?
Stubbed toes exposed
Missing shoes breed sores in soles unvisited by battlegrounds 
And the wounded want no pity
Only moments to rest eye lids
Long enough to cope
Long enough to grow calluses on soft-sore skin
To start again at daybreak
To breathe again at daybreak

The moon pricks goose pimps 'round crisp-clean-sunken shoulders
Covered in night...
Where is the light?

© 2013 Tinasha LaRayé


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Featured Review

I read and only suggest... taking out "The" in the starting lines... interrupts the flow of the piece... Gives more feel without:

Weight sinks heavy upon crisp-clean-sunken shoulders
Eyes weary from fighting gravity...

Splendor of the day is gone
Or had it ever come?...

Moon pricks goose pimps 'round crisp-clean-sunken shoulders
Covered in night...
Where is the light?...

I like the usage you exemplify with repeated stanza... of course... blended in meaning to standout on their own...

Good read... thanks for sharing your work...

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tinasha LaRayé

7 Years Ago

WOW - awesome advice! thank you for taking the time to give me a splendid critique, I will certainly.. read more



Reviews

I read and only suggest... taking out "The" in the starting lines... interrupts the flow of the piece... Gives more feel without:

Weight sinks heavy upon crisp-clean-sunken shoulders
Eyes weary from fighting gravity...

Splendor of the day is gone
Or had it ever come?...

Moon pricks goose pimps 'round crisp-clean-sunken shoulders
Covered in night...
Where is the light?...

I like the usage you exemplify with repeated stanza... of course... blended in meaning to standout on their own...

Good read... thanks for sharing your work...

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tinasha LaRayé

7 Years Ago

WOW - awesome advice! thank you for taking the time to give me a splendid critique, I will certainly.. read more

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215 Views
1 Review
Added on March 27, 2013
Last Updated on March 27, 2013
Tags: giving up, quitting, stress, life, fight, night, light

Author

Tinasha LaRayé
Tinasha LaRayé

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About
I am because my mother birthed me my father planted me my God created me. Life has unfolded for me in 29 chapters so far with two brothers a smile and a few good memories to show for it. I am because .. more..

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