[untitled]

A Story by grotesqedetail

Im going to use different names because I dont want anyone here to be exposed. I wont apologize for anything I have done in the past or will do in the future. It is what it is and when you read this know that I am just one person who has hurt people and been hurt, just like you have.

We met at a show with my ex boyfriend Tom, it was me and Toms first time hanging out with each other and I didnt know all too much about him except for the fact that he had just moved here from Kentucky and was four years older than me, I was thirteen at the time. I was inside with my two friends Lauren and Veronica when he arrived, he sat down on the couch and you came over and put your arm around him. I was afraid he was going to be gay and I was going to look like an idiot in front of my friends, turns out you were kidding and I was relieved. Now I was all about Tom at the time but my two friends were obsessed with you. I remember Lauren keeping a picture of you as the background of her phone. I didn't think twice about you, I didn't really think I would ever see you again. This might be why I cant recall too many details about that first night we met. I just remember your scarf, your dyed red hair, and that you said you had a girlfriend.

Fast foward eight months I'm in Walgreens, I sort of recognize you in the aisles and you were dressed in combat boots and a misfits t-shirt, your black pants tucked into your boots. I ignored it and continued looking at the cards to pass the time. I walked out of the store like any other day and I see someone crouching in the doorway, this startled me and I screamed until I realized it's just that guy I met with Tom, who had broken up with me months ago. We say a quick hello and I continue on my way not giving our encounter a second thought.

A year later you start working at my work, I knew you so we had a few conversations but I had never really taken time to look at you until then. Your eyes were green and your hair was black, your staff shirt was tight on you and the way that you looked at me made me shiver. I knew you had a girlfriend, you have had one for about three years at this point but that's okay, we're just friends, not even, we're co workers. I also had a boyfriend who I was very much in love with and although you gave me these looks, I just put it all aside and tried not to think about it.

You always talked about giving me a kiss. I always said no and I would give you a hug goodbye and that would be all. One day you went ahead and kissed my neck, you were always such an entitled a*****e. I liked it, I pretended I was mad but I loved it.

My boyfriend breaks up with me and you get wind of this news, I come home to a comment on one of my pictures saying "You should have no problem giving me that kiss now right?"

I never thought I would be that girl but this was only the beginging. I did kiss you, I did like it, and I did feel that need to tell Tammy one night walking down main street, who told Charlene, who told your girlfriend Victoria. Victoria thought much more had happened so she got dramatic and E-mailed me and you e-mailed me and I felt like crying when this was happening but as always happens I got angry and I told you that this was your fault and I told her that she deserved better even though I hated her then and I hate her now and I dont have a reason to I just do. We didnt talk for a little while after that.

Time went by and things got back to normal about three months later. We were talking and flirting and everything was happy.

It happened that one summer day when I was done working and you were on the clock but you didnt care. You never cared. We were in the basement of our work, you sat on that work bench and I got closer, you said "we cant do this you'll tell Tammy or Charlene" I said no I wont this will be our secret, no one will ever find out. I dont say things like that, I'm not me when I'm with you, I'm someone else entirely. I dont know who I am but I am shy around those I do not know, I am reserved out in public, I dont do anything sexual with guys who have girlfriends, ever, I have a consiounce. With you I seduce guys at work, I empower myself using my sexuality, I am unstopable. I kissed you then I left you sitting on that work bench, the second I wasnt with you and everything came rushing back I thought I would throw up, I couldnt breathe, my heart had never raced so fast.

From that day on I kissed you everyday at work, we hung out almost everyday that summer. Me and your best friend would smoke a bowl or two at his house, then we would pick you up after your shift, drive around a bit then drop me off for my shift later, then you would come back and work another shift and we would find somewhere to make out. Oddly it never went past that. For about a month thats all we did.

I remember the day so clearly. I came downtown and got you myself after your shift. We walked around town and talked, you never fail to make me laugh. We walked to your aunts house and I met your little cousin. Then we walked to your house I thought "okay we're going to have sex now, that's okay, it's not like I'm a virgin this will be fine". Then your step dad came home while you were giving me the tour of your house. We thought oh well another time. We went to work together and that's when I knew this wasnt over, that's when I knew this was happening today. I was on the clock but I went into the basement with him anyways. He started kissing me and I was shaky. I took his shirt off and he took mine off. We ended up taking our pants off and he lied me down on that cold cement floor. He got inside me and I forgot how much it hurt, I dont think I was saying ow but he claims I was, all of a sudden he wasnt inside me anymore, we decided to just give up, we walked back to Walgreens, back to the place were he startled me so much. We just shook our heads and said epic fail.

He moved in with his girlfriend across the state. The day before he left I cried while hugging him, he said it's not like he would be leaving forever, I told him that it wouldn't be the same.

He defined that summer for me. He changed a part of me when he left. I knew it wasn't real, I knew it couldn't last forever. When he left he made it like he was never here to begin with, like he could have very well been a dream.