Downhill

Stranger than science fiction

religious constriction

neurotransmittion

hands on your cell phone

facebook, twitter

tweeting my fleeting sense of sanity

beating my head with the support beams

of my bed canopy

wifi replaces tie-dye

androids over fireflies

pollution over blue skies

this situation....

is dire.

Reviews

[DeathByChoice]

Yeah, I feel like this a lot too...
Very good poem! I liked the rhyming, and the references to modern things like twitter. I normal think it's tacky when people put those things in stories and poems, but you pulled it off well, I can tell you deffinately have some talent. You also hit unpopular topics and, even if you have no idea what you're talking about, you can tell how strongly you feel about it. Nice work!

[Mortricia]

Both of you-thanks for the construct....always appreciated.

Interesting change to the last line, Alessander. I have a habit of finishing poems with very few words or very indirect ones. Dier, for example, could mean death....or a scraped knee. :)

[Thomas B. Buckman]

:D
I should definitely check your page more often. :D

[Alessander]

I really like the pace, word-play and off-handed rhyme. And the reference anchor this piece to the world around us, while simultanousley pondering the abstract impednding doom and insanity of it all.

My only suggestion is that you maybe change the last line to maybe

this situation must change....
erst lest we die

don't know, kinda a goofy suggestion, I know. I just think the middle parts of a poem could be slant rhymes or assonace or feminine rhymes -ion, but the ending might be more effective with a truer rhyme.

But like I said, it's just a minor detail...love androids over fireflies