Chapter Fourteen

.            It rained heavily the night before. I had let the cool California downpour hypnotize me to some form of sleep so I could not be in pain for just a little while. However, despite that and my condition, I am at school. And despite that wonderful wonderful rain, I'm in a very very pissy mood.

             I don’t want my curious boyfriend, my concerned mistress or mister or whatever you call it, and I don’t want to talk to my new best friend of two days slash bodyguard. I really don’t have much choice, though. Thanks to my father kicking me in the chest and breaking something inside me, I’m sure, I’m moving at a very slow pace making me drastically more accessible than usual.

            “Who did it?” are Ivy’s first words to me.

            She beats Will to my locker this morning. She almost gets me in the mood to smile. We had so much fun yesterday after school.

            “Nothing.”

            “Something clearly is. You’re moving extremely slow for you and you’re holding your stomach.

            “It’s your everyday stomach ache, gosh. I think I’m coming down with something.”

            Again with my effortless lies.

            Her eyes flash quickly. “If you say so.”

            “I do. Now can we drop it?”

            “Sure. So, did your pops ever come home last night?”

            I suppress a shudder. “Boy, did he ever.’

            “What?”

            “He just made a lot of commotion is all.”

            “Hey, baby.”

            I feel Will behind me, arms around my waist, hugging me. I inhale slowly to cover the pain. It takes everything in me not to cry out.

            When I look up, Ivy’s staring directly at me.

            In English class I zone out and try to forget about Ivy. But in the process, my mind drifts back to last night, after he left.

 

       I slowly come out of my ball. Confirmed; he’s gone. It hurts to straighten my body out because I’ve been in this position for awhile.

       I push back tears.

       “Don’t you dare cry,” I scold myself.

       All at once, my mind, all my thoughts are occupied by Lisa Campbell.

       “What do you want?! I demand of her kind face in my psyche.

       She replies, “To help.”

       This pushes me over. I cry.

       My phone lights up, a beacon of radiance in my eternal darkness.

       I grab it and ignore whatever caused the illumination.

       I scroll through my contacts; she’s listed under the “W”s for Woman. I hit call.

       The tears are flowing freely now. Will my humiliation never end?

       “Cadent?”

       Her tone is filled with concern for me. She means well. Why won’t I let her help me?

       “Just…hit a button if you’re okay.”

       “…”

       “Cadent, please.”

       This is upsetting her.”

       “One button.”

       “But that’s the thing. I’m not okay.”

       “Are you crying? What happened?”

       I can hear the anxiety dripping off of every word she speaks.

       “I think something is broken and it hurts to breathe.”

       “What exactly happened?”

       “I was kicked in the chest and stomach.”

       In spite of my current state, I still have presence of mind to protect him.

       “My God,” she sighs. “I’m glad you called me.”

       “I’ll bet.”

       “But you have to get to a hospital-

       “No. No doctors, no hospitals, no officials.”

       “You could be seriously hurt. Bleeding on the inside. That could kill you!”

       “Lisa, what-

       “Not now.”

       She’s out somewhere. I’m ruining her evening.”

       “I didn’t mean to disrupt your evening.”

       “No. You didn’t. I’m fine. Goodnight.”

       “Cad-

       I hang up. She won’t call back because she knows I won’t answer.

       I just manage to get into bed when I hear tapping on the windows of my patio door.

       “Kendall?”

       It’s Julian. I pretend to sleep. He leaves. I don’t sleep. I never do.

 

            “Kendall, class is over.”

            “Will?”

            “Yeah.  Are you alright?”

            “Yeah. I should get to class.”

            “Want me to walk you?”

            “Yeah.”

            I can tell he really wants to and his temporary company will be good for me.

            We walk in silence, his arm around my shoulders and my head leaning on him.

            Coincidently, Patricia shows up the same time we do.

            “Keep it moving, Trish,” he says.

            She rolls her eyes at him and narrows them at me. That takes talent.

            “Go for a run. Try to cheer up.”

            I nod.

            He kisses me light on the tip of my nose and reluctantly head to class.

            I’m not up for gym so I ask to be excused, which is, of course, granted. I got to the Photography room to work on some photos I took this morning of his handiwork.

            It’s a grayscale of me standing with my back to the full length mirror in my room, topless. I am visible, along with my reflection, holding my hair up with my left arm so you can see both tattoos and all the damage. I’m looking over my shoulder but not enough of my face is showing to identify me. I am  

            My thinking on this is contradiction. That’s my theme, the title of this piece. A tattoo urging me to breathe or relax though I’m drowning. A nice figured girl who’s beautiful yet is covered in flaws.

            “Your work gets better and better,” Maddox says over my shoulder.

            “Thank you.”

            He leaves once. He must have already been in here.

            The pictures turn out well. I’m pleased and pained all the same.

            “Why does he hate me?”

            The bell rings to pull me out of the self loathing I was about to succumb to.

            I take my time gathering my things knowing I’ll be written a pass. I’m in no hurry to get to a boy and his questions.

            By the time I get to Calculus, it dawns on me too late that Will may have went to gym to check on me. I shrug. I don’t really care. That’s how I feel today. I just don’t care.

            “Hey. I stopped by last night,” Julian says sitting down.

            “Sorry. It was a long night.”

            I feel his hand on my back. “Did something happen? Are you alright?”

            I shrug again. “I’m just tired, all the time.”

            “Take a nap in class.”

            “It’s not that simple.”

            “Why not?”

            “Because my mind is restless so my body can’t sleep either.”

            “Are you sleeping at night?”

            No one knows about my insomnia except Will but I only hinted at it and he may have though I was joking. I haven’t really slept in about a week and a half. I refuse to let it effect my education so I pour what little energy I have left into school. But lately I’ve had to split that small amount of juice into maintaining somewhat stable relationships with people in my life and school work.

            That can’t happened. I can’t allow anything to reduce my edification. I’m trying to get out and I can’t do that without a proper scholarship. Northwestern Illinois is about brains.

            “Kendall?”

            “Sorry.”

            “Don’t be sorry. Just try to get some sleep tonight; for me but mainly for you.”

            He leaves me alone to think about that but I use the time to crunch some numbers.

            Ivy is purposefully, I think, keeping her distance from me in Photography. Still, she keeps an eye on me just in case Phylicia gets any ideas.

            I secretly think Ivy knows exactly what’s going on down to the last detail. But I don’t intend to ask her to find out. If I’m wrong then she’ll know everything and we can’t have that.

            I’m working vigilantly on this photo again. I want it just the right light, just the right texture, just the right clarity. Once all this is done, I save and print it. A nice breeze comes through the window and blows it out of my hand. It lands a few feet away from me.

            As I’m moving forward to go pick it up, Phylicia steps on it.

            “Whoops.”

            I grit my teeth. “Yo!” I shout.

            This sends Ivy into a frenzy and she’s quickly advancing on Phylicia. I have to practically hug her to keep her away. In the meantime, my insides are protesting, screaming, burning. It takes everything in me not to pass out from the pain.

            “You can’t protect her from everything,” Phylicia says smugly.

            “And she can’t protect you from me,” Ivy growls.

            Half of me want to let her go. The other half is loyal to our deal.

            I manage to push her into a chair.

            “What is up?”

            “If you’re not going to look out for you, I will.”

            I’m touched by this testimony and the depth of meaning in her eyes.

            Is sigh, “Ivy-

            “I’m out.”

            She gets up and moves toward the door.

            “You can’t leave class,” I say.

            “Then I’m over here,” she retorts taking a seat farthest from me.

            That draws a smile out of me. Ivy just may be everything I need in a best friend.

            Her tantrum is over and done by the time class is over. We walk in silence to lunch where Will is waiting.

            “Hey, Ivy.”

            “’Sup. I’m going to get lunch.”

            I watch her walk away then sit next to Will.

            “No lunch today?” he asks.

            “Not hungry.”

            “I noticed you’re not hungry a lot recently.”

            “I don’t eat when I’m not hungry.”

            The look on his face says that he knows that I eat all day as much as possible. Usually this is true but I just haven’t had much of an appetite.

            On that note, Ivy comes back and places an orange juice and a container of cheese fries in front of me.

            “Eat up.”

            “Some times you scare me,” I say suspiciously.

            “How can I scare you when-

            “Fine. How’d you get this stuff so fast?”

            She wiggles her eyebrows at me and smiles sheepishly.

            “What’d you do?”

            She takes a fry from me and pops it in her mouth. “Nothing. Just used some good old fashioned intimidation.”

            She digs into her plate.

            “May I ask you a question, Ivy?” Will interrupts.

            “Ask away,” she mumbles.

            “Why do you care about Kendall so much?”

            “Will!”

            The second time I’ve ever heard him be rude.

            “Someone has to.”

            “Ivy!”

            That response doesn’t surprise me.

            “Are you implying that I don’t care about my girlfriend?”

            “I’m implying that, clearly, you are blind.”

            “Blind?”

            “I saw it the second I laid eyes on her.”

            “Oh, I saw it, too.”

            “So what? You have slow reflexes, football boy?”

            “Who are you to-

            “I’m the girl whose known her for all of two days and yet I see everything for what it is. I made a plan. I’m going to carry it out. And what will you be doing while I’m busy in her behalf? You’ll just be worrying.”

            Will growls under his breath.

            “Let me make one thing perfectly clear, William. I don’t like you. the only thing you are is support. In this situation, your support isn’t enough. It’s not gonna get the job done.”

            “So you know what she needs, huh?”

            “I do.”

            “Enlighten me. What does she need?”

            “Protection. That’s my purpose in her life. I knew it when I saw her cry over her camera.”

            Will looks at me and I look away.

            “You didn’t know? Hmph. I’ll give you one thing, though.”

            “What’s that?”

            “You make a great innocent bystander.”

            She slowly stands and walks away coolly like this didn’t happen.

            I think to go after her but I know Will needs me.

            “Who made you cry?”

            “It’s no big deal.”

            “Then who was it? You act like nothing fazes you.”

            “Are you seriously going to let her rile you up?”

            “Yes. You’re telling her things you aren’t telling me.”

            “She was there! I didn’t tell her anything.”

            “Who did it? Why can’t you just tell me?”

            “Because I don’t want to.”

            “And why didn’t you defend me to her?”

            I’m so pissed right now. I can’t even form words.

            “You have a mouth, Will. Why don’t you use it for something besides arguing with me?”

            I stand.

            “Where’re you going?”

            “To defend you to Ivy like I planned to do initially.”

            I grab the juice and go.

            I like him so much but we’ve been doing nothing but arguing. It’s taking all of my energy. I don’t know what I’m going to do but I put it out of my mind when I spot Ivy in the courtyard. She’s taking a long drink of her Coke.

            “Ivy. What’s the big idea?”

            “I don’t have one yet.”

            “Come on. It’s me. Your liege,” I say with an accent.

            “Well, my liege, if I may be so bold?”

            “Proceed.”

            “Will is a thinker, not a doer.”

            “And what exactly is it that he needs to be doing?”

            “He needs to be coming up with a plan that does away with your flinching and your mysterious bruises.”

            I flinch and Ivy gives me a see-what-I-mean look.

            “I’m fine, Ivy.”

            “You know what those words me to me? Nothing. When you say ‘I’m fine” I hear ‘help’.”

            “What do you think is going on? My God, Ivy.”

            “I think someone’s wailing on you almost every night. I think this someone is close to you because you’re sad all the time and you take it. It’s not Will because he’s too gentle and I don’t mean that in a good way. It’s not Julian because you’re far too coy with him.”

            I look away. Crap.

            “But when I do find out who it is…that someone will pay dearly.”

            “Ivy, please. Can you just drop this?”

            She hands me her bottle of Coke. “You look like you could use this more than me.”

            I watch her leave the courtyard, scared as hell of what she may be capable of.

            I put the bottle to my lips and tilt it up. I immediately spit out its contents. It’s liquor. I hesitate but finish the bottle off. I instantly feel a buzz and I’m thankful because I feel more relaxed.

            I wonder around school for awhile, unchallenged. Lunch ended about ten minutes ago and the halls are empty. Just as I’m about to make my way to class I see Julian throwing things on the floor.

            “Julian, what’s wrong?”

            “My English paper. I can’t find it. If I don’t turn it in today, I’ll drop a whole letter grade. That can’t happen with football season a few weeks away.”

            I go into my backpack and pull out a folder and then a typed paper.

            “This English paper?”

            He snatches and skims it.

            “How’d you-

            “I found it folded up on my balcony. You must have left it that night. I retyped it.”

            “You’re amazing.”

            A normal girl would usually say ‘I know’ but I don’t think so highly of myself.

            He hugs me and is about to rush off but I hold on to his hand. He looks at our hands then me. Slowly, I approach him and put his hand around my waist.

            He smiles, “Kendall-

            I cover his mouth with mine before he can talk me into thinking logically. I don’t want to. Right now I just need to be kissed by someone who I’m not constantly fighting with.

            I grab the collar of his button-up shirt and pull him into a classroom I know is empty. I back him into a desk but I guess he doesn’t like that because he turns us and puts me on the desk. His lips travel from mine to my collarbone. I feel myself smile.

            He chuckles under his breath,” Never thought we’d be doing this again.”

            I shush him, “Don’t ruin it with words.”

            I feel his hands up my under my shirt. His left moves around to my chest and I shiver. It feels good. I want more. I begin to unbutton his shirt when my phone vibrates. I ignore the text. Five minutes later, it rings. Kim Fowley belts about being her parents’ cherry bomb.

            It’s like my pupils suddenly dilate and all my senses return to me.

            I push him away so hard that I have to catch him before he falls.

            “Sorry, Julian.”

            “What’d I tell you about apologizing to me?”

            “Sorry. I mean…” I sigh. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I have to get to class.”

            “We’ll, pick this up tonight?”

            “Not tonight.”

            He kissed me really fast and sprints off to class, satisfied.

            I take my seat in Study Hall next to Ivy who’s currently pretending to read her history book when really she’s reading some comic with a girl who has knife-like claws protruding from her hands and feet.

            “Well, don’t you look flushed.”

            Crap.

            “Fear not, my liege. It’s barely noticeable.”

            That’s eases my panic and I stop fidgeting.

            “Considering what went down in lunch with Will, I’m mostly positive that he’s not the one who’s got you hot.”

            “What do you want me to say?”

            “Why? You don’t strike me as unfaithful.”

            I sight, “Here we go.”

            “What?”

            “You’re just another person who wants me to tell you everything. I’m not telling you anything.”

            “I’m your most loyal subject.”

            “Exactly and as my subject, you don’t question me.”

            “A knight will do anything to protect her queen; even if it means disobedience.”

            “Really, now?”

            Her stony gaze says it all. she wasn’t giving up.

            “Then consider this friendship over.”

            She stands, “Even if it means banishment.”

            She finds another seat. I miss her already and the fact that she pretty much affirmed her allegiance to me kind of proved to me that I could trust and depend on her. But I’m stubborn and I refuse to cave directly after I’ve cast her aside.

            I decide to take Julian’s advice and have a nap. I’m caught up on all my schoolwork so I just put my head down. Dealing with all these nut cases I’ll need all the oomph I can get.