an arsonists fire alarm

stricken with fear of my own free will

my stomach churns

I’m run over with chills

safe with you, i no longer feel

its not what you said, or something you did

i pursued the action

but when it was real i started to shake

feeling terrified and suddenly unsafe

so i ran and lied and hid away

but will you follow and haunt me again

not what is at stake nor the name of the game

but something inside of me is so uncertain

this unyielding fear, quaking within my bones

i feel so unsafe alone in my home

you followed my lead, yet i stopped dead in my tracks

from coming so close to another relapse

something inside of me must have just cracked 

and a feeling flushed over me of unsafe desire 

danger within me and no exit strategy

i ran from the path and destroyed it behind me

i don’t want to feel your hands touching me

your breath on my neck and shivers down my spine

not from pleasure but of a different kind

terror, it shook me

down to my core

the panic within me may be detrimental 

hearing your name, brings pause to my lungs

you now terrify me though nothing was done

as i go to erase you, the one thought persists

that although i hide, you never cease to exist

the though of you follows

down dark alleyways 

to burn every bridge to you is unattainable

there still are these chances, yes they are small

but the fear is still present 

fear of nothing at all

my own plan of action brought upon this attack

although i tried to get you, now i don’t want you back

i try to return to a sense of normalcy 

hopefully these wave of panic stop crashing over me

i am in no danger

you are not a threat

you aren’t even here 

it is all in my head 

but still i am lonely and i still am scared

the dark and the cold leave me unprepared 

but ill hide from these feelings like i now hide from you

i hope that finding me is not something you can do 

so now as i sit and muffle my scream 

i remind myself that shadows don’t have the power to hurt me