cancelled appointments

they don't see how it helps, or that you need helping

its takes some time to catch my breath

with all of these voices within my head

i spend so many nights awake

with my inner demons, this toll they take

i lie and tell her that i’m fine

this isn’t true most of the time

my heart, it sinks, with no warning sign

and I’m left to piece myself back together

with not a crack in my facade

no one sees my bones quake

or seems to notice as my lungs deflate

you could never tell from the look on my face

stone cold expression with my eyes glazed

i save my tears for what seems like days

the ink of my pen flows forth from the chasms i release

when i finally break down, far away and unseen

so of course they don’t believe me,

when i say i am depressed

one con among many when living life repressed

yes, i fall apart often, but in my time and place 

i refuse to let you in, as i try to save face

so they assume that i am bitter,

but truthfully I’ve just been hurt,

too much to continue on

as if i were okay

i know I’m not that strong

so now i choose to live in numbness instead of in pain

some people cut, some people die, but me i punish myself every day

by waking up and going on

as if i were fine

one day it will stop working 

and ill lay down and die

as a coward with my secrets

no one will know why

so robbing everyone of the truth 

will be my final crime