when i look in the mirror

when i look in the mirror

A Poem by tumi
"

emotional

"

WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR

When I look in the mirror

All I see is the shattered pieces

Of a broken man

Filled with regrets and prolonged hisses

 

When I look into the mirror

At the second time

I see a man with no dime

Looks and frets at things in horror

Yawns and stretches

With eyes searching in terror

 

When I look at the mirror

I see only but a sad man

An angry man

A shattered fool

A useless tool

Living only as life ceases to be

Searching for death

But it turns to him as a rare breed

his eyes were red

his beards were there

hanging loosely like a broad weed

almost like he was already dead

with no love, no care

all but tears

left with the shattered pieces

of a broken heart

a deadly disease

living all day like a troubled storm

rumbling and grumbling

A life with no hope

 

© 2024 tumi


Author's Note

tumi
what do you think?
critiques?
feel free

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I think you need either a new mirror or a new way of looking at life.

Posted 1 Week Ago


Powerful work. You evoke a lot of emotion here.

Posted 1 Week Ago


I'm not certain of why you keep sending me requests for critiques, but since you did:
-----------
When I look in the mirror
All I see is the shattered pieces
Of a broken man
Filled with regrets and prolonged hisses
----------

You might want to use my mirror, instead. When I look into it I see a man who's had a successful and satisfying life, three great kids who've grown into adults to admire, and who found a woman willing to put up with him for 52 years — my greatest accomplishment.

My point: This piece is you talking about your feelings, to people who lack backstory and context, when you should be making the reader feel and care. In other words, it's the male equivalent of what's often called a dismal damsel poem.

And since you need a project that will take your mind from your troubles, and focus on changing the situation, why not take positive action? If you want to write poetry that more people will identify with, and appreciate, spend some time digging into the skills of poetry. It will distract you from your problems and eliminate at least one of them.

And if my reminding you to do that is an annoyance, Turn off the read request. 😋

Posted 1 Week Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

tumi

1 Week Ago

lol real funny to be honest
but could you give your time to write or change what could have b.. read more
JayG

1 Week Ago

• could you give your time to write or change what could have been excluded in the first stanzaread more
thanks for the kind review
happy you enjoyed reading

Posted 1 Week Ago


Very poignant and
really pulls on the
heart strings indeed.
Eloquently penned
and a pleasure to read.
Best regards ✌️ Thad

Posted 1 Week Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

122 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on July 8, 2024
Last Updated on July 8, 2024
Tags: poems, emotions, pains

Author

tumi
tumi

lagos, christian, Nigeria



About
i am just a random person trying to do best at writing more..

Writing
Charming Glare Charming Glare

A Poem by tumi


A Flood Of Love A Flood Of Love

A Poem by tumi