To My First Love

An apology

You’ll probably never read this,

But the world should know.

I’m sorry for hurting you,

I just had to go.

 

I know I broke you,

Shattered your fragile heart.

But I was dying slowly,

Cracking, falling apart.

 

I know you didn’t mean to,

But you hurt me many times.

Maybe you never even noticed,

All of your painful little crimes.

 

You were always so distant,

Sitting beside you I sometimes felt alone.

That look would come into your eyes,

And I’d be on my own.

 

You were always so worried,

So stressed about life.

But that was okay right?

As long as I someday became your wife?

 

No, it was not alright,

It tortured me through.

As I carried your worries,

And my worries too.

 

You would hold me and cuddle,

And our worries would start to fade.

But as soon as you released me,

They were back like a blade.

 

I’m fragile, I’m weak,

But it least I’ll admit it.

You always acted so wise.

Breaking my spirit.

 

My poem is going off course,

I’m making you sound like a bad guy.

That’s not true at all,

It’s not what I want to imply.

 

I loved you so much.

I tried so hard to hold on.

But my sorrow kept getting worse,

Until my hope was gone.

 

This was not your fault,

The blame is mine to share.

You’re an amazing man,

And I know I was unfair.

 

You deserve someone different,

Someone more like you.

Who likes the same things,

And won’t cry when what you say is true.

 

Someone who will love you better,

A girl who is stronger than me.

Who can hold you afloat,

Rather than drowning in your sea.

 

I want only what is best for you,

I only did what was smart.

The only way we’ll be happy,

Is if we stay forever apart.

 

Please know that I forgive you,

For every time you made me cry.

I hope that you’ll forgive me too,

For when I made you want to die.

 

Please find someone wonderful,

Have children, beautiful and sweet.

Live to be old and full of joy,

Make every day a treat.

 

I still care for you,

Just in a different way.

So please take care of yourself,

Everything will be okay.

 

No matter how you feel about me now,

Know that I hated to harm you.

Goodbye my first love,

I will never forget you.

Author's Note

Sorry if it kind of sucks. It was written quickly on a slightly emotional day. But I don't care because it lets out what I wanted to say.

Reviews

[RedInk524]

Reading this brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. Our relationship, it was a rare one. It is very rare for people our age to last that long in a relationship. However, like any other relationship there were issues on both ends. Its only human of us to make mistakes... I confess that i was worryful, too focused on realistic issues, trying too hard on things i know i couldnt do or change, expecting too much from you, often hard an harsh, sometimes narrowminded, overbearing, and some other things i cant remember right now. I wont type out your mistakes on here to possibly embaress you, my bitterness towards you has long faded. I made a lot of mistakes on my end, said and did a lot of things i shouldnt have. Lol, like i often say, i am a psycho and im sure your family will agree on that. As i said, we are only human, we are all destined to make mistakes no matter how well raised or taught we are or think we are. With the mistakes i have made to you and your family, i hope you and them all can forgive me. I know i wont be able to forgive myself anytime soon, but i do promise to never make them again towards anyone else. After my bitterness towards you faded, i began to see you in a more.. idk the word... the closest would be "repentfully observational" light. I started to look back more at us, the things i overlooked on both our ends. I feel pretty f*****g foolish for a lot of it, lol. I still think back once in a while and wish i could time warp to those times and slap the s**t out myself for some of the things i did. Well, then again i think we all do that when thinking back to older times wondering what the hell was going through our minds when we made those foolish mistakes. One of the biggest things i focus on is learning, especially from the mistakes of me and those i observe. And, one of the things i have learned overtime is that the only true mistake is to not learn from your own errors or mishaps. Our relationship, was a very large lesson. I learned a lot of things, both about myself and in dealing with a relationship and a person you say you love. And i am sure you learned a lot too. As unforgiving as i am towards myself for my mistakes, i know that i will never make them again. It would be ignorant of me to just repeat them... So at the very least i can say to myself that i am learning from it all. I hope you can say at least the same for yourself if not more. The mistakes you have made, the times you have dropped me and picked me back up just to drop me again and again harder each time, i forgive you. I forgive you for every little mistake you made. I dont want you to blame yourself for what happened between us. Things just didnt work out. And so i hope you take what you have learned from all of this and being with me, and apply it to any future relationships you have. Don't overlook warning signs and yellow or red flags, and dont put up with some of the psycho s**t i did. Real men dont act that way, and i know you deserve better. I confess to every mistake i made towards you, and i know that they were far from what someone would expect from a real man. I have learned, and still am learning, and so i know i will make much better decisions in my next relationship (which i am in right now, sorry if that hurts you and i really really hope you have moved on from me as i have from you) and be a better man. You are a really smart girl Twyla, so i know you wont repeat your mistakes again. This was all a big lesson for us both, and so i thank you for helping me learn all i have learned. My bitterness towards you is gone, i dont blame you anymore. All i want from you now, is for you to move on with your life with the lessons you have learned from us. The girl i am with now, i love her very much, and i know that i will never make any of the mistakes towards her that i made towards you. I will treat her much better and hopefully things will work out in the long run and i can get the two daughters i have always wanted. :) In the end, you are correct, you did make the smart choice in leaving me. Now i am sure we are both happier, and i hope you can forgive me for not seeing it sooner. Even my parents were telling me that i was blinding myself to everything because i was so attached to you. Its like the curtains finally opened when reality kicked in after you left me the final time. And now that they have opened, i will continue to observe and learn with this crazy mind of mine.

I wish you much luck, goodbye Twyla. And thank you.
Ryan

[Hyacinth]

'Sorry if it kind of sucks' you say that like it could be possible. This is amazing, more than a poem, more than just words and I can see that. Never stop writing.

[PrestonWL]

don`t feel that way, hon.... it`s perfect! Luv it!! Write s`more, hun!! I`m normally not a guy who cries, but your poem made a exception!! :( but I`m :)

[Castonovia]

Suckish??? Not at all especially with all of the pent up emotions let out, that's one of the musts of being a writer, to be able to write with all your heart and I'll gladly say you did just that even when it hurt. Beautiful write;)

[Colleen a Bean]

I really like it, It kinda is something like I wrote one time but with more emotion and way better wording, u are a better writer then u give yourself credit for darling :)

[Lydia]

This is very good, and not suckish at all. I enjoyed it, and I always love poems that rhyme. I feel like they flow better. Very good!

[Fallen Angel]

O_O This is EXACTLY how I feel!! Its kind of scary! >.> It is an AMAZING write! :) Keep up the wonderful work. I really love this poem!

[Hidden Happiness]

the rhythm is great and it sure doesn't suck....it actually feels true and deep and is really great....wonderful job...n pls read some of my stuff if you get the time:):):).

[Whiskurz]

I love your rhyme and flow....You have talent.....Great write.....Whisk