#1 Back Home

Naomi ends her eventful day.

August the 26th. Dear Diary.

So after the rattling day I had, I guess it was time to go home. I had to walk it there - again! Walking home, it was so beautiful. It looked so nice, but I wasn't allowed to go play where the others lurked, so I had to continue walking. I would have loved to go and ask the people what they were doing, but I know they wouldn't look at me nice. That hurts me. Why does everyone I meet have to give me funny looks?

I can see the beauty of the place, but I can't touch it. I saw flowers growing on the lawn as I walked, but I wasn't allowed to touch them, as they were somebody else's. People say that money doesn't grow on trees. I wish that they all could grow faster. I had some money left in my purse, so I walked into a shop and brought a small white box. I don't know much about what to do with it now. It seems like I can't take anything of this world.

Also when I was in the shop, some people were looking at me. They were staring at me. They couldn't even say hello. They just stood from afar glaring at me, and then walked off. I'm in a big shop with lots of aisles, and I have to look ahead to know where to find boxes, and all those two people do is glare at me and walk off. I wish they could somehow be different for a change, so they would know what it's like to be different. They must think that I'm a person who thinks they're embracing the world. The shop was nice, it had high lighting, and I don't know why the ceiling is so high.

I was finally home shortly after that. I'm living in the same old house, with the same old furniture. This is nice, I guess. But I hoped that after being here for so long, it would be more than what it is. I had an eventful day today, I was with the person I hadn't seen in a long time. I got scared, and there were three others as well who I was scared to talk to. In fact everyone is scary to talk to. I could have never imagined that people are like what they are.

I got home and I was greeted with the same white walls that I always saw when I got home. There were no photos or posters anywhere in the house. The floor is clean, and everything is where it should be. The kitchen window faces a nice view outside, even though it doesn't face the garden. I couldn't find the strength to cook anything today, so I settled for a microwave meal. I put the thing in the microwave, waited four minutes, and then ate it. I didn't do anything after that, because the person I saw today wasn't interested in speaking to me today.

I remember when I first got here. I used to think that brushing my teeth, day and night was a ritual. Now I believe that going to bed alone is the true ritual. When I wake up tomorrow, there will be no one to tell me good morning or share my time with.

This is okay I guess. I've got somewhere to stay away from those angels up top. I looked at my perfectly made bed, thinking about how I dreaded waking up in the morning. I got in the bed, and was scared to go to sleep. I didn't want tomorrow to come quick enough.

Reviews

[Black Kat]

I was confused while reading this. A lot of the sentences didn’t make sense, or key things about the story were left out. I think it has the beginnings of something great but needs to be fleshed out A LOT.

The first paragraph for example. You say:

“Walking home, it was so beautiful. It looked so nice, but I wasn't allowed to go play where the others lurked, so I had to continue walking. I would have loved to go and ask the people what they were doing, but I know they wouldn't look at me nice. That hurts me. Why does everyone I meet have to give me funny looks?”

So, it’s beautiful, but “what’s” beautiful? The forest? The square? The village? What? And you couldn’t go where others “lurked”. Lurked is a word that is usually associated with an enemy, or someone ready to pounce on you. I’d use another word. And how could she not see what they were doing? Were they playing a game she wasn’t familiar with? Why don’t they look at her nice? Does she have a hideous face? What?

[tynamite]

Wayfaring In Envy is set in a dream world called The Sanctuary, so as it's a dream world, not everything has to make perfect logical sense as it does in the real world on planet Earth.

I can't speak for what your dreams are like, but this is what my dreams are like, and yes this is fiction, not every chapter here is a real dream I've had.

[Black Kat]

I wasn't trying to make you feel defensive about your writing, which clearly, has happened. The purpose of a review is getting feedback that will improve your writing. I gave you constructive criticism from a reader’s POV. I’m also a fiction author. I know what fiction is. Justifying something that something’s not readable because “it’s fiction”, doesn’t make sense.

Some advice….

Your job is to please the reader. People may deny this, but it’s the truth.

Everything doesn’t have to make sense—at first. Adding mystery is good for the reader. It makes them want to keep reading to find out the answer. Eventually, your reader will want to know everything. Again, your job is to please your reader.

Every sentence DOES have to make sense if you’re writing for an audience. It DOES have to be readable. Words MUST have the same meanings as they do in the real world. You can’t write in a weird, mystery language and expect the common reader to know what you mean.

Write like the reader knows NOTHING. If you have a dream world, then show the reader that dream world.

So, take or leave what I said. That’s entirely up to you. But, I’d like to see you take a breather and revisit your work. Think about what I said and use it to better your piece. I guarantee it will make it better. If you re-write this, I’d love to read it again and see the improvements.

[tynamite]

"Your job is to please the reader."

LOL

You don't understand the purpose of my writing.

I don't write books for the general public, contary to popular belief. I write books because it has been my passion ever since I could read and write. I write books for me. If you like them, fair does, if you don't, that's okay.

The only fiction I sell is the fiction I think is worth charging money for. If I don't charge money for it, I don't think it's worth selling.

How about us two have a voice call, you ask me all the questions you want to ask me about Chapter 1, and then I rewrite the entire Wayfaring In Envy series based on your feedback?

Then there will be too versions. The Tynamite version and the Black Kat edit.

"You can’t write in a weird, mystery language and expect the common reader to know what you mean."

My writing is not for you. I take it you're not a fan of my writing. Go read some JK Rowling.

[tynamite]

Sorry for the confusion.

I've thought of a way to explain myself in a succint manner.

I do not write novels to describe or express myself. If I did that, I might as well record myself on a dictaphone, press play, listen to that, and type it up on Microsoft Word. It would be like using other people as a soundboard. Sometimes I use other people as a soundboard in conversations, but I hate doing that in my novels and short stories.

On the flip side, I like to package my writing, rather than it be loosely arranged. I always try to do that whether that be in novels, series of short stories, but rarely poems, as poetry is not my thing.

When you start to understand that I try my hardest to avoid writing stories about myself, whilst at the same time trying to package my writing, you will then understand the style of Tynamite writing or Tynamite stories.

Wayfaring In Envy
Tynamite (writing) 2012

[Black Kat]

Like I said, I tried to help. But, if you truly feel this way about your piece and don’t want others reviewing it, note that at the top of each chapter so there is no confusion with another reviewer. I wouldn’t have read it had I seen such a warning.

I found your story on the “discover” option. I didn’t read anything beyond this chapter nor did I know anything about the story. Totally blind review. I assumed it was from a book you intended to publish.

When you say I reviewed it the way I did because “it’s not my style”, you’re wrong. I didn’t hate on your characters or your storyline. It wasn’t something I reviewed poorly because I didn’t like the genre, etc. I brought up editing/grammar issues you should work on. That has absolutely nothing to do with whether I like your writing style or not.

I read a lot of stuff I don’t like, but if it’s good writing, it’s good writing. That’s all that matters. I’m not THAT kind of writer/reviewer and am extremely hurt that you accused me of it.
I try to be biased and focus on grammar, flow issues, and plot holes. I admit I am a harsh reviewer. I have high standards for writing. That’s just how I am.

And rewrite or don't, that's up to you. I'm not here to edit your entire book. So, I must not have been clear when I said that. I meant if you rewrite “this” chapter, I would read it again and give you my opinion. Rewriting is for YOUR benefit, not mine.

I will not respond to any more replies like your above ones either in PM or on this thread. It’s not productive for you, me, or improving your story. And I didn’t have any questions for you. Just suggestions. The questions I asked is what you should be asking yourself when reading your story.

[Black Kat]

I meant to say "unbiased" but can't edit my comment. "I try to be unbiased and focus on grammar, flow issues, and plot holes."

[Taylor H.]

This is a very good start to this book. I have a question: How do you publish so many books? So you self publish? if you do, how do you afford it? Great new book

[tynamite]

Sorry for the late reply. Writers Cafe created the "reply to a review" feature years after the website was created.

I've only published two books. All the other books you see on my Writers Cafe profile, 5 are empty, and 4 are short story collections.

Although every imaginative idea comes from somewhere of one's experiences, it's hard to say where exactly ideas for stories come from, but if I say "it all comes naturally", that sounds flippant.

What I can say, is that the way my mind works, it's very context sensitive. When I'm put into a certain environment or experience certain stimuli or social interaction, my mind somehow automatically unlocks a part of it that allows me to tap into "original thoughts", so I express those original thoughts. Once I've expressed those "original thoughts", that hotel room door that just opened, now closes and the key is irreversibly destroyed.

Once I create something, I can't recreate it. Once I say a conversational topic or oddball thing in conversation, I can't go back to that mode of thinking. My mind opens the appropriate hotel room door of original thought depending on the situation, then once done, the key is irreversibly destroyed.

When I write, I ask myself 4 questions.
1. Is it imaginative?
2. Is it immersive? (do you get lost in the story)
3. Does it get something mundane about normal everyday life and expose something peculiar about it?
4. Is it realistic?
5. Is there a concept or overall message that runs all throughout the book, that someone can take meaning from to make them into a better person or make them think deeply about life?

I think that when a creation is original, it's hard to teach someone how to create the same genre, as it's not formulaic and there's something special about it you can't put your finger on if you examine each element on its own; but when something is constantly rehashed, it's very easy to pick apart what method a person can do to create something similar. This also applies to music.

I have a different method for writing each book, but for advice on writing methods that applies to all writers, read my creative writing lessons. https://compesh.com/article/13

I think when someone is born with a talent, it's their life's purpose to devote their entire life to it all day every day, you know? They are compelled to do that because can't not express the conceptual ideas that are in their head. Some people are a ghost who just pass through the world without interacting or formulating with anything, and some people exert themselves onto other people in a provocative way and use the world around them to formulate original ideas - as they can see the truth that no one else sees. They have that intelligence. And intelligence is genetic.

Yes I do self publish. I couldn't get my novels published as they were experimental. They were too original. It was too risky for a book publisher to invest money into printing and marketing if my books could fail to make a profit. Keep in mind that nobody reads books any more thanks to video games, youtube and netflix.

Self publishing is free. I don't pay for a company to print the books in bulk. I use print on demand so when someone buys the book, the company prints it after they paid for it. I use Createspace. Lulu is good too. When converting a Word file to PDF, use TIFF images at 300dpi (the print dpi) and convert your Word file to a PDF using DoPDF, not the Microsoft Word PDF converter.

Be warned that although the Createspace (owned by Amazon) contract says you can remove your books from Amazon and their affiliated shops (also owned by Amazon) at any time, but when you ask Amazon to remove your book from their store, they always refuse.

How is your book Ash vs Ash going? Did you finish writing it? I know you rewrote the whole book but I really enjoyed the original version. You have a much bigger chance of getting your book published than me. If you can, please send me the original and 2nd version of Ash vs Ash. That's a really good book. It's very plot driven, something I've not done properly in a book.

[Marie Harrison]

Excellent story!
It's one of your best short stories.
Bravo

Can't wait to read more

[tynamite]

I think that Wayfaring In Envy is the worst short story series and short stories I've published on Writers Cafe. It doesn't match the standards I set for "Tynamite stories", but I'm glad someone enjoyed it.