Chapter IV

Chapter IV

          January had many things ready the day she was supposed to move. Lily had rented a U-haul and Lily, George and January had spent most of the night packing every inch of it with boxes.

          The U-haul was humble and could attach to the back of George’s pick up truck. January had went ahead and taken out all but $100 of her savings and offered to help pay the gas. George knew she would get another $1000 back in check change but he turned her down.

          “You better think about opening a bank account.” Her stepfather advised her.

          There was a folded up list of twenty things to do in her pocket. Getting a bank account at the school. ABAU was an hour out of New York City (the town it is in has a population of 20,000). The town itself was so small people passed though it to New York City without a second thought.

          The drive would be 11 hours, including pit stops.

          At first George and Lily had planned to leave Maia with a colleague of Lily’s but as the 22^nd of August came closer Lily wouldn’t hear of it. The two talked it over and it was George who gave in. Maia could go but they wouldn’t stay the night. He ended up losing that battle too long with the dispute over if Lily should go shopping. 

          They left the afternoon of the 19^th. January drove with her mom (she had borrowed her mom’s GPS too) and Maia rode with George who was also pulling the U-haul.

          George and January had coordinated her GPS for a motel in West Virginia.

          Maia drank too much juice and ended up not sleeping. On the way to the second motel in Pennsylvania they stopped for shopping and fast food.

          Once at ABAU January felt like she had spent months in the car with Maia. She was tried and crying to whole way. January was touched that Maia didn’t want her to leave but her crying had left her ears ringing. 

          It might have been better to leave the child in North Carolina but Lily wasn’t about to admit it.

          George, January, Lily and Maia carried boxes into her room. January knew she would be rooming with two other girls. After school let out she was told who her roommates would be.

          The first, Xandera, was a skinny red head from Michigan. She was coming to learn about sculpting. Xandera wasn’t too squeamish with giving January her phone number. Within the first week of texting and talking on Facebook she felt like she had known her all her life.

          Willow, the other roommate, was another story. Though she added January on Facebook she never told January much about herself. All January ever found out about Willow was that she lived on a farm in Virginia with her parents, 12 siblings, and animals. She’s on a full ride. Apparently her paintings blow the admission people out of the water. That made January wonder what made the admission office give her a full ride.

          After a three way telephone call it was decided that January would bring the coffee pot and microwave. Willow would bring the mini refrigerator. Xandera would bring the toaster and stereo.

          As things would have it January was the first in the room. Her post office box was set up during the summer and she received the key to her dorm at the same time. Because of this she was able to let herself in.

          Maia sat in the corner of the cramped room and colored in her fairy coloring book and Lily, George and January labored in the un-air conditioned room.

          “How in the world are you going to survive in here?” George stood up and stretched his back. He is a large man. January sure too many days in a room like this with two other people would drive him crazy.

          About that time a girl with hair literally the color red busted though the door. Behind her were two older adults.

          “January!” Xandera squalled. She sat the cardboard box in her hand and went for her running. When her arms wrapped around January’s neck she though it was burned. Instead it just left a red mark.

          The two people who most have been her parents stood back and smiled awkwardly. They acted like they have never had to say hi before.

          “Ummm…George, Mom this is my roommate Xandera.”

          Xandera energetically sprung away from January and held out her hand. “Nice to meet ya.”

          Lily smiled widely and took her hand. “Is your name short for Alexandra?”

           “Yes’m. Though I doubt my Dad and step mom don’t like it too much.” She motioned towards the stone like people behind her.

          They never spoke. All they really did was sit the five boxes by the door.

          “Alexandra, call tomorrow. We want to be sure you settled in.” Her father nonchalantly mumbled. There was a hug exchanged between the child and it’s father but after that the two disappeared.

          “I’m sorry for them.” She said calmly. “They’re not…talkative.”

          Lily ended up feeling sorry for Xandera so after they finished unpacking January’s things she began helping Xandera.

          Maia was tried and cranky. George ended up taking Maia to a playground near by. Before that Lily went out to buy cheeseburgers and coffee for everyone.

          It was while they ate that Willow showed up. Unlike January or Xandera she was the only one who showed up. There was no one helping her unpack.

          This was the first time January had a chance to get a good look at Willow (her Facebook profile picture was always of Dolphins, flowers or something like that).

          Her face was the color of cream and she had rosy check under the honey color eyes. She was truly beautiful, but quiet.

          During the night Xandera asked why she was so quiet. Willow simply answered that she was used to the quiet. She sat at the farm you should so far away that no noise touched you. You should come to a point where you were truly in your own universe.

         

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

Nice introduction to her roommates. The interest level is still very high and I think the story is moving at a good pace.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the history of her new room mates. Allowing her to know them. I like the road trip with the stepfather. A entertaining chapter. I like how you are writing the chapters. Giving strong description and enough detail to keep each chapter alive and strong. A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Valette]

Another good chapter. You do a really good job of building up your scenes.
However, there were a few points that I thought could use some work; I still think there is too much telling and not enough doing, and I think you should specify the family's relation to your character a little sooner.
One technical mistake you're making that I used to do:
“Alexandra, call tomorrow. We want to be sure you settled in.” Her father nonchalantly mumbled.
Quotes dont' end a sentance like this. it should look like so:
"Alexandra, call tomorrow- we want to be sure you're settled in," her father mumbled.
Cut out as many -ly words as you can and try to find a different wording. -ly indicates like a 'telling' verb, not action, so you dont' want' too many of those.
Good draft!

[trainwreck]

I love the story so far. Your set up is very strong. One detail: it took me a while to figure out lily was january's mom.

[Daydreamer54]

xandera-i think u mean alexandra or alex.