Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A Chapter by unluckeys

The demons are something I attempt to not partake in. They enjoy my torment, they enjoy to taught, to tease, yet nothing was worst then how me affected me so. Their powers to control my mind, my very being- frightened me, numbed me to my very core. Yet, the one comforting thing was how they told me how to live my life. They heightened my senses, my physical and mental being. If they felt kind, that is.

They have invaded my being when I was not but a lad, hardly aged to 5 years. They came upon me as if it was a normal thing. They approached me as I played at the play ground with my siblings and my mother. My mother, and her sensitive skin, stayed under her large hood under the shadow of the tree.

Yet, my siblings, my twin brother, two older brothers, and one older sister, played freely in the sun. I was suddenly called over to the side by this man, separating myself from my family as they continued their game as if I was not there. He called me to him with a smile placed on his lips.

“Child, may I ponder if you are thirsty?” He whispered, his voice as smooth as honey. He kneeled down, becoming eye level with myself.

It was true though, I was very parched. I hardly noticed it until then. I nodded my head, walking right to the man. He seemed friendly.

“Here you are child, take this, drink it up... “ he pulled out a bottle, filled with a purple liquid. I took it from him, being such a gullible child. Yet no one stopped me- oh how I wished for just once I was not overlooked. How I wish that at this very moment, someone would have stopped me, taken my hand and dragged me away from the strange man.

But nothing like that happened. What happen was, I looked deep into his white eyes, his pupils slanted, yet surrounded by purple. I felt such a sense of trust towards him, that I placed my lips onto the bottle and drank it down. It tasted sweet, yet once it was in my throat it burned me as it went down- very much like I now know as alcohol. Once I tasted the first drop, I could not put it down.

Once all of it was down, I handed him back the bottle. On his face, plastered that smile. “Go, run along now, join your siblings.” He said, ruffling my hair. As a trusting child, I smiled and nodded, walking away, returned to my family.

Today, though, this is a haunting memory. I am of 18 years old, and in a few hours I will be leaving the safety of my family, their knowledge of my illness, as they call it, leaving my safety- all to this strange place they call a university. This will be my first ever attempt with society. After showing the first signs of the illness, they decided to keep me home tutored. I passed all my classes, yet was not well socialised. I was plan out awkward.

I was waiting at the airport with my twin, listening to him talk fairly about his excitement. He went on and on until he realized I wasn’t listening anymore.

“Leigh?” Alin called softly, snapping his fingers in front of my face to regain my concentration. Unlike myself, my brother was spared the isolation I had been forced onto. He was well versed in the world- this is the farthest I’ve been from home since my illness was discovered.

“Yes, Ally?” I asked softly, blinking my light grey eyes, looking into his black ones. Him and I were identical, at least in childhood. The doctors could never figure out just how I have different eyes compared to him. We both have the same face. Not only that, but I had grew a white streak naturally in my black hair, while he did not.

I knew it was the demons, yet they told me to stop with the non-sense. My illness was nothing more than mental, they always told me. Hardly did they know...

“You seem nervous.” Alin said with a smile, picking up his soda pop and taking a sip. Our plane was going to board in about 20 minutes- I was very nervous. It was very hard for my mind to connect the possibility of a giant container flying through the hair, holding all of us and our possessions. Yet Alin, who has done it before when going to fathers, always told me it was possible.

Him and I were very close. He was the only person who believed me, who didn’t call it an illness as all others had. Yet, from his belief, came much trouble on his part. My demon did not enjoy to leave him out of my torment, no, they included him frequently. Yet he was never seen him as I have, never heard him, never felt his touch, felt his warm breath on his neck, breathing his name-

I blinked myself out of that thought. I couldn’t let him affect me so. It was just part of his mind games, hardly did he care a single rats a*s about me... Yet whenever he was near, whenever he shown himself to me, I couldn’t help but feel my heart increase, feel my breath shorten...

Stop it. I need to keep my mind off of him. I was going on a flight now, I wasn’t going to get myself worked up before being locked in the giant container with 300 other people, one including my brother.

I looked up at him, a sheepish smile making it way onto my lips. “I’m sorry, just thinking of the giant container-” I was rudely interrupted.

“Plane. It’s a Plane Leigh.” Alin said with an amused smile on his face. I still enjoyed calling it as it was, a giant container that flew through the air.

“well, thinking of the “plane” and how you believe it will work does cause me some anxiety.. But not only that.... “ I looked him in the eyes, the amusement not leaving only my face but his as well.

“You’re afraid of what will happen when we get there, huh?” He asked softly, taking my hand gently under the table. I had learned that in the normal society, this is thought of as a romantic thing, holding hands, getting comfort from it.. Yet for us, it was just contact needed for us to understand the thoughts of each other.

I looked into his eyes, telling him how I was feeling, silently. I was nervous, worried- scared about going there. the first time being in public- the first time having someone who could see things happen to me... The first time someone outside of my family could be hurt by this atrocious things haunting my very soul.

“How sweet, my pet. You’re nervous...” His voice whispered in my ear. I could feel his presence behind me, feel his breath soft against my ear.... Alin knew he was there, not by seeing, but by the way I reacted. My pupils dilated slightly, my breath shorted, my heart sped up... I turned my head slightly, longing to look at him again. This reaction he forced on me, I could hardly control it... I felt his hands gently on my chest, moving upwards.

“As your present for being such a good boy, I will not affect your flight... But be warned, I will not be so gracious as your feet return to the earth...” He purred right in my ear. I gasped as I felt his long, thin finger, tipped with sharp black claws, scratch up my chest lightly, just enough to leave soft red lines on my skin.

And with that, he was gone. I let out my breath, placing my hand on my chest. My brother was watching me, his brows furrowed. I pulled the collar of my shirt down, just to the top of my undefined chest, showing the red marks- scratch marks.

Alin frowned and shook his head. “What did he want this time?” He demanded, his anger building inside of him. He hated him, for how he made me react, for how he is the cause of my isolation, for how he hurts me, yet I can be nothing but grateful to him.

I was worried though. All my life, he made a promise to protect my innocence until I became of age- and here I am, newly 18. He hasn’t said anything on my behalf in terms of my future, yet he didn’t say anything against it. He has placed his hands on my body for the last 5 years old my life, in that romantic manner. It is now what has trained my body to react as such in his presence. yet, he never made a move to go for more.

I smiled at Alin, showing him it wasn’t a bad thing. “He informed me he wouldn’t affect the flight.” I whispered, biting my lip gently. I was happy- he’s in a good mood, therefore I get a reward. When he was in a poor mood though- that’s when all hell can break loose.


To my surprise, the giant container wasn’t very bad. I got a seat next to the window, where I watched from overhead our descent into the heavens. I was very nervous as we took off, feeling my stomach turn in a way I never knew before, yet with my brother at my side I couldn’t maintain the nervousness.

We continued higher and higher until finally we could no longer see the ground. All I could see was clouds. I furrowed my brows, missing the view- I hardly saw the town from the ant point of view, now I could finally see the whole things and we were ruining it by being too high up. It got me disappointed.

Yet, when I was able to have a cup of tea, and actually watch a movie, I calmed down right away. My other siblings were all able to watch TV, to play games, to own phones, but not I. for, the last time I looked upon a screen, I screamed and screamed for about 2 hours. It turns out my demon wasn’t a fan of the mind rotting stuff.

He told me the flight would go off without him tampering it, and I believed him. So I sat back, and watched this strange thing, really relaxed. It wasn’t until halfway through the movie that I began to tire. Not growing up with technology has lead me to be uninterested it in. I knew I would have to learn, to be able to do my studies as a normal human, yet that would come later.

I finally felt myself be gently shaken awake by Alin. I looked over at him, smiling slightly. I had gotten so comfortable, feeling the motion of the plane beneath me, I had fall asleep. As promised, My dreams as well were not tampered by his presence. When happy, he grants me happy dreams, sometimes very lustful, sometimes very pleasant... But if not, heaven forbid I fall asleep at all.

“Good morning, Leigh.” He said, smiling as he knew my dreams were pleasent. “I’m sorry to wake you, but will you hold this while I go to the restroom?” He asked softly, referring to his computer bag. I looked at the guy next to him- He didn’t look very much like a man I would trust. I nodded my head, hugging the bag to my chest.

They say it’s incredibly weird, how Alin and I are identical twins, for though we are born from the same egg, we look different. The way we grown affected us so strongly. I, being kept inside and isolated, maintained a pale look, a weak body.. He had almost 40 pounds of me, mostly of muscle. We both reach a height of 5’10, yet I myself maintain bad poster which reduces me by at least two inches. My brother had a golden color to his muscular skin, from the sports he played. I wasn’t sure what exactly they did, but I did read about them.

I had been looking out the window when I felt someone next to me again. I looked over, confused- It sure wasn’t Alin.

It was him. He sat, his legs crossed, his pale, pale skin almost shining in the sunlight. His dark purple hair falling down to the small of his back, his sharp claws wrapped around the arm rest. He had a look of distaste on his face, yet he didn’t look displeased.

“I can't say I have seen this movie, but just for those moments I can see it’s a bore. I would have been to sleep in moments, such as you’ve done.” He said, keeping a space between us. With that space, I was allowed to breathe, and control myself. I nodded, looking at the screen still. WIth those uncomfortable earphones removed from me, all I could do is see their actions.

“Well, It was interesting in the very beginning for being a movie I guess... You know I will have to learn how to use technology, If I wish to become successful in these classes...” I said softly, looking over at him, gauging his reaction. He just sighed and shook his head.

“I’m not much of a fan of technology, but I will allow you to use it, if it is for educational purposes.” Even as a very manipulating and twisted man, he did not stop in the way of my education. for that, I was grateful.

I realized the man beside him was staring at me, as if I was crazy. I made eye contact, willing him to say something. I always do forget that he was just ‘not there’ as everyone has told me. The only truth in that is that they can’t see him. I can, very fine and well.

The stranger backed down, returning to his newspaper disgruntled. I looked back to the movie, thoughtfully. I suddenly felt him move closer to me, until his lips touch my ears.

“Come with me.” He whispered. I turned my head to look at him, my brows furrowing. I knew better than to argue, yet I was responsible for the bag. I stood up in time with him, following him in the isle. He was walking to the middle of the plane ,where the bathroom is located. I clutched the bag to my chest, not going to betray my brother.

“Oh, hey Leigh! Needed to use the bathroom too?” Alin said, walking out and picking up the bag. His smile had faded when he saw my eyes open wide.  He just nodded, giving my shoulder a light squeeze before walking around me and back to our seats.

I walked into the bathroom, following him. the door locked behind me and in a flash I felt his hands on my body, feeling up my chest, feeling up my body. My breath hitched, my heart fluttered, I had to grip onto the sink to keep myself upright. His lips met my neck, his sharp, pointy teeth grazing my neck.

My breath came out in little puffs, I opened my eyes to see his face move to mine, kissing right below my jaw and down my chest, his kisses piercing right through the thin cotton of my t-shirt. I couldn’t help it. I was getting turned on. I placed a hand into his hair, entangling it. I heard his soft grunt, telling me to do it. I knew I shouldn’t, I knew it only made me weak, made me tired but.. I couldn’t help it.

“Nsokohir..” I moaned out softly. In that moment, I felt his teeth graze my chest, piercing my skin.. I felt my energy drain from my body, I saw the blackness fill my view... and soon, I was unconscious.

© 2014 unluckeys

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Just started reading your story. It captured my attention. Made we want to continue reading—which is the first step in any good story. I look forward to reading the other chapters and will have feedback on those. My initial critique of the story is editing: pronoun agreement; dangling modifiers; stuff like that. If you will indulge me: "The demons are something I attempt to not partake[word choice] in. They enjoy my torment, they enjoy to taught[taunt], to tease, yet nothing was worst then how me[they] affected me so." These are minor editorial changes and if someone else has assisted in this, I apologize, but these type of changes will make your story stronger and not interrupt the reader’s flow.

Thanks for sharing.

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Good pacing in the first chapter. After you draw the reader in, you keep their attention by dropping little snippets of detail about Leigh, the demon, and the family dynamic. I also like how you show the psychological aspect of Leigh’s sense of isolation coupled the emotional/“sexual” attraction he seems to have for the demon. Will these dynamics and tensions be carried throughout and explained in greater detail in the story? How will/do they affect Leigh? Is the psycho/sexual tension really mutual or will Leigh meet someone else that will complicate that aspect of the “bond” he has with the demon. These are some thoughts that I have as a reader that is whetting my appetite for more.

As a writer, I would suggest giving/setting the scene more. In the opening flashback there is a lot of information given, but it’s is not well organized. For instance, in the second paragraph you abruptly introduce Leigh’s mother and how she is hooded—which seems to portend something (other than her light sensitivity)—but we get no more than that. Also, how is a strange man amongst a group of kids not noticed, even if we are looking at things through a first person narrative? By setting up the scene you can draw a wide sweeping angle of what’s happening around Leigh, give expository detail, and then start narrowing the lens to focus on what happens spefically at the playground to Leigh and the strangeness of it all juxtaposed beside the normal feature of kids playing. I recognize that doing something like this could interrupt the pacing of the story, but experiment and see if it works for you. If not, it was at least a good exercise.

Hope this helps.

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


6 Years Ago

Thank you so much for taking your time to review and read my little story here. I will take everythi.. read more

6 Years Ago

my pleasure
Just started reading your story. It captured my attention. Made we want to continue reading—which is the first step in any good story. I look forward to reading the other chapters and will have feedback on those. My initial critique of the story is editing: pronoun agreement; dangling modifiers; stuff like that. If you will indulge me: "The demons are something I attempt to not partake[word choice] in. They enjoy my torment, they enjoy to taught[taunt], to tease, yet nothing was worst then how me[they] affected me so." These are minor editorial changes and if someone else has assisted in this, I apologize, but these type of changes will make your story stronger and not interrupt the reader’s flow.

Thanks for sharing.

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amazing... I admit you took me to hallways I hope to never walk through much less experience. The Demons are very alive in this writing and you have done a splendid job at introducing them to the world through your character... I am not sure what is worse... knowing what happens next or not knowing... I applaud your ability.

Posted 7 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on April 7, 2014
Last Updated on April 7, 2014



Minneapolis, MN

I am a young girl from Minnesota who enjoys writing stories. In my stories, I usually tend to create a whole new society. I also enjoy to write about things that are touchy, things that are painful an.. more..

Chapter 2 Chapter 2

A Chapter by unluckeys