Me And Who?

Me And Who?

A Poem by unsavable_soul
"

Love has a meaning, doesn't mean you want to know.

"
I sustain the membrane restrained within her chest
Love beating in vain, I can't abstain from words against the grain
She get's what she deserves, The coffer of my hateful reserves
Raw nerves and purpose served
I know this breakdown, I'm your crowded ghost town 
I can't gauge your value pound for pound
We're 30,000 ft. and 43.2 seconds til' we hit the ground
It's a free fall, It's the ending to climbing walls
I swallowed my life, I followed your tongue like the tip of a knife
I'm at the water's edge over this
I've become the skeleton in your closet no one will miss
It's two faced and sure as hell it's a waste
Opposite directions held together with sticky paste
Hating each other but still giving it a taste
Bad for us, sure we knew
But both of us have a penchant for eating glue
Both of us living by do as I say not as I do

This is what love has meant 
for me and you


© 2013 unsavable_soul


Author's Note

unsavable_soul
Thoughts please, I would like to hear what people are getting from this. I think letting an artist know where you personal view the piece from allows them to understand better where they may have strayed. Thanks.

My Review

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Featured Review

"I sustain the membrane restrained within her chest"
Wow. Love this line. I have never quite heard such a simple concept expressed in such an abstract but meaningful way.

"I can't gauge your value pound for pound"
I like this reference. Often we have to size the people up in our life, whether it be their worth to us or the likeliness they will cause us pain. Again simply put line that conveys a lot of meaning.

"I followed your tongue like the tip of a knife"
Also love this line. Comparing someones words to a knife... following their words just like you would be following a knife, the possibility at any moment it could turn around and stab you. Beautiful.

"But both of us have a penchant for eating glue"
Awesome! This line on its own seems silly but it goes so well with the previous and following lines.

Great job, Christopher. I really enjoyed this piece. It moved me in different directions. I wasn't quite sure how to feel at the end. I started off feeling your disgust or distaste to the situation, to almost a desperation to keep holding on to it, followed by an almost content feeling with the bad nature of the relationship.

Thank you for sharing!

Jupiter

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Thanks Jupiter,
The piece basically reflects a codependent relationship of sorts. Wanting to l.. read more



Reviews

We're 30,000 ft. and 43.2 seconds til' we hit the ground

It's a free fall, It's the ending to climbing walls

Beautiful lines.
This is a great poem.
As you asked for our thoughts, I gathered that this was written by someone deeply in love with a woman, but is also tormented by her. It was a bitterswett love.
Great write

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Thank you most kindly Jade,
I am ever pleased you enjoyed it. Yes, you grasp solidly the ideas.. read more
i like the theme of the poem , i guess since you asked for my interpretation , i'll say i see a man in love with a woman but at the same time he hates her a painful oxymoron. maybe its not even hate maybe he finds it hard to control his nature and they both suffer because of it . it seems like the love was within a precarious stage . but nevertheless just like any other addiction to substance they were addicted to the substance of love . and they never regreted it .i like this piece i'm sure it meant much more than what i'm giving . another magnificent work my friend .

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

You grasp this solidly,
Maybe you missed something but it wasn't the body of this, you got tha.. read more
Dear unsavable-soul

Fascinated by the last, I thought I would return and review one of your pieces.

Thank you for your reviews of Split (I would love you to continue them when you can) and for featuring the book on your about me page.

I picked this poem from your list because fascinated by its title 'Me and Who?' and perhaps therefore the whole notion of identity and perception.

On opening and reading the poem I was not disappointed.

Meaning or perhaps better expressed my personal emotional reaction to a piece is what often seems paramount to me. Have I been made to smile, to cry, just to be moved and if so how?

But let's start this review with nuts and bolts.

Structure: One, seventeen line stanza, finishing with an 'envoy' parting gesture of a two line stanza. I particularly like it when poets do this. Go out with a bang, grabbing the reader by the scruff of the neck. So bravo!

Rhyme: Although I cannot see a consistent pattern throughout, there is much internal rhyme and some external. I see no reason for a poet to stick rigidly to a set of rules in rhyme. It's nice when we do it. But poetry should be capable of breaking strictures - be what it wants to be. And yours is as unique as any.

Rhythm: There is no fixed pattern. But there is still a mellow steady beat, even more so when your rhymes are internal.

Allusion / metaphor / use of English / Style / Favourite lines: There is so much to like here. But I will fix on those lines which had the most impact on me:

'I know this breakdown, I'm your crowded ghost town
I can't gauge your value pound for pound
We're 30,000 ft. and 43.2 seconds til' we hit the ground
It's a free fall, It's the ending to climbing walls'

First this is a good example of your internal and external rhymes. But there are two bits I like to this.

1) Love at its worst, sticking in it when bad, or the bitter aftertaste of when it ends is so well depicted as falling in those last two lines. Loss of control.

Best line of the whole poem and you should copyright alone never mind the poem is:

'We're 30,000 ft. and 43.2 seconds til' we hit the ground'

[Apologies for this silly point in passing on the best line of the piece but it is 'til and not til' I genuinely hate doing spelling especially in marvellous writing like this. It almost feels like pulling a small flea out of your favourite pet's coat and killing the pet in the process. I fear all they may be able to place as a epitaph on my tombstone is 'He could Spell!' and I am not so sure I can do that either!]

2) But in the first of those two lines, you give the flavour of the broken (if not hearted) and question how love or the lack thereof can be valued. Good question. The only way you can find out is how much you lose in a divorce court! (the latter with a smile, but a bitter one in my case).

Next:

'It's two faced and sure as hell it's a waste
Opposite directions held together with sticky paste
Hating each other but still giving it a taste'

Here's a good example of where you do external and internal rhyming. It is funny how this style of writing gives it edge.

There is a marvellous flavour of lies and deceit, a poor relationship pulling apart and only held to gather by a Band-Aid and where it has got to the point of bitter open combat.

And finally your envoy:

'This is what love has meant
for me and you'

It's your summing up. It sort of says. That's what all this poem is about.

Which takes me onto meaning I suppose in what I have just said, there may not be much to add.

All I can offer as my personal take is a dead relationship to the point of destructive perpetuated when it should be stopped in the interests of both parties or one that is splitting to already split.

I was captivated by the bitterness of this poem, where at times even in your virtual anger there is a hint of humour in the language you use, because of the very neat way in which you put it.

Overview: An impactful poem with which I can identify unfortunately too many times. I look forward to a nice long-term relationship soon. So should you and we all. I loved the strength of emotion and your quality of execution.

I hope you find this a helpful review.

Your friend

James

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Thank you kindly James,
The grammar upon my works is always up for the firing squad. I am far .. read more
what i see are two people who shouldn't be together, pretty much bleeding each other dry---pasted together by dissolving glue...and then eating the glue as well..

reminds me of the bill withers song..."you keep on using me, until you use me up"

i also liked the line jupiter pointed out...my favorite too...sometimes despite ourselves we stay together...my first ex and i never should have married...but we were so used to being with each other, we weren't sure what we would do without each other...we knew better and did it anyway.

it's like that to me...

i like everywhere this went.

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Thank you very much Jacob,
You bring very valid points. I dare say that here it is an obvious .. read more
I see the love/hate relationship that refuses to die--even after the love has all been burned away by the frozen flames of hate. I also see a battle going on within the self of one who is out of balance--his/her opposite natures are at war.

wonderful work as always

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

You say and see so much Maggie,
I am the war you speak of. I love your reviews and thoughts. Y.. read more
I so understand this. It is like opposites attract. But do they and then again yes they do. It goes round and round like this forever. i love it.
< 3

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Ouroboric, yes there is a lot of truth to what you say about the piece. I am glad you loved it Jessi.. read more
You have a way with words I can only wish to grasp at some point in my new endeavors of writing. Thank you for sharing such amazing works.

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

From what I hear your already there. I appreciate such kind words. Each person bring their own heart.. read more
The gathered innocence of wording leaves one seperated from the descriptive inheritance of nature in this piece, well done, good read.

Posted 11 Years Ago


unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Thanks Thomas, I am glad you enjoyed it.
Chris
"I sustain the membrane restrained within her chest"
Wow. Love this line. I have never quite heard such a simple concept expressed in such an abstract but meaningful way.

"I can't gauge your value pound for pound"
I like this reference. Often we have to size the people up in our life, whether it be their worth to us or the likeliness they will cause us pain. Again simply put line that conveys a lot of meaning.

"I followed your tongue like the tip of a knife"
Also love this line. Comparing someones words to a knife... following their words just like you would be following a knife, the possibility at any moment it could turn around and stab you. Beautiful.

"But both of us have a penchant for eating glue"
Awesome! This line on its own seems silly but it goes so well with the previous and following lines.

Great job, Christopher. I really enjoyed this piece. It moved me in different directions. I wasn't quite sure how to feel at the end. I started off feeling your disgust or distaste to the situation, to almost a desperation to keep holding on to it, followed by an almost content feeling with the bad nature of the relationship.

Thank you for sharing!

Jupiter

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

unsavable_soul

11 Years Ago

Thanks Jupiter,
The piece basically reflects a codependent relationship of sorts. Wanting to l.. read more

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326 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 3, 2013
Last Updated on May 3, 2013
Tags: love, hate, codependency, opposites, faithful

Author

unsavable_soul
unsavable_soul

Gotham City, FL



About
I like to play, I like to say. Many things and many ways, for I have many days. I do not ask, I do not tell. I most certainly do not waste money down the wishing well. I theorize and I terro.. more..

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