What does it feel like?

What does it feel like to be seen…? Admired?

I, personally, do not know that feeling.

I’ve been played with and rejected.

I mean, I can’t be that bad, right?

The same question floats around in my head every day.

There is a reason why guys don’t talk to me. There is a reason why I’m always left last, and there has to be a reason why I’m still single.

There has to be…

Don’t get me wrong, my problem isn’t being single. My problem is that I don’t feel attractive.

I don’t have guy friends, I don’t get texts, and I certainly don’t get compliments.

Honestly, I’ve become an attention w***e. Yup, that’s what I see myself as these days.

I have the need for attention, and not just from anyone.

I need attention from guys. I need to be assured that I’m attractive. I need to feel confident.

Yeah, I know its bad for me to feel this way, but what can I really do?

My whole life has been like a competition.

I’ve cried myself to sleep sometimes when I was 10, because of guys, and because of my shyness, my weight, and my face.

My life has become a competition for me, and I’m losing.

So, here I am, sitting on my bed, wiping away some tears that came from writing this out, listening to her laugh with this guy she thinks she likes.

These days, shes texting between 5 and 6 guys.

Me? I daydream about the blue-eyed boy, and wait…

And wait…

And wait…

I wait for something that may never happen.

I’ve learned to live with that, but you know what?...

It still hurts.

Author's Note

what do you think of the writing itself?

Reviews

[KanaDream]

This is beautiful. Every girl has insecurities. Every one wants to be paid attention to. Without attention we go mad. Solitary confinement has shown that multiply times. This piece shows the inner feelings of a girl and displays her pain very well. If this is from a personal point of view... you may not be confident or believe you're pretty, you may not even get along with guys (I sure don't) but you've got a gift for writing what you feel. And if you can express your feelings in writing then you'll go far. Why? Seven Billion people on this planet. A good amount of them have been here. Keep Dreaming ^^

[jeannemarie coulter]

your words come from your heartsoul...we always judge ourselves so harshly, usually much harsher than others judge us...you express yourself very clearly and that is a talent to be happy with...

[unspoken_vocabulary]

Thank you :)

[jeannemarie coulter]

welcome and blessings to thee

[Otingocni]

The writing itself is nicely put together and feels like an entry to a diary. As for the words, the only competition you should be in is with your own self, trying to be your personal best. When you start loving you for you, others can't help but to notice and want to be a part of your life. The more negative you are with yourself, the more negative you attract. Good luck. Keep writing. It is your outlet.