Off duty

Off duty

A Poem by Vanessa Pavelock

I collect 
seashell memories
in littered 
coffee cups 
along the shore
that bore me,
pushing me
the wide wave
liquid chaos
of the rip 
tide current. 
swim in a
trying to
break free
from the 
wild undertow
until finally
I am released 
onto a white
sand beach
with no
on duty

© 2013 Vanessa Pavelock

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this is wonderful. I love the imagery and detail through out.
Awesome writing

Posted 2 Years Ago

"liquid chaos"
If ever there was an apt description of the ocean THAT would be it. To me, the piece is unique simply because it is as if you had stripped it down to the bare minimum, which resulted in an accurate display of imagery without all the unnecessary cliché tagalongs.

Posted 6 Years Ago

I like your short lines and very precise imagery in this one. The last six lines of the piece really speak to me, especially the lines about there being no lifeguard on duty. The image of the white sand tells me there is a lot of purity in that place, and the fact that there is no lifeguard allows you to be free.

I also like how you use the idea of collecting those sea shell memories. Overall, great metaphor in this one as well.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Beautiful images and metaphor here. I also liked the thin strand like way you structured it; a lot said in few words...with an ending that packs a punch. Well done!

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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4 Reviews
Added on July 3, 2013
Last Updated on July 3, 2013