The Lights Swallow Me

I was unable to focus on what was happening.
The cool summer’s breeze sending chills up my spine,
The chlorinated water was slowly pruning my skin.
The memories arose, following four years past.
All the laughs, the smiles, the jokes, and the fears.
But that doesn't matter; he is no longer the same,

Stripping me with his eyes, I was exposed.
Slowly I stepped back, the pool edge meeting my back.
Shock kicks in.
I feel my space invaded as he seductively places his hands upon my shoulders.
I couldn’t move, I couldn't scream as he moved my top aside.
I say, “I have a boyfriend”, he whispers, “He doesn’t have to know.”

Fear has me paralyzed, not knowing what to do.
His cold wet hand slid from beneath my breasts down to my hips.
I try to move away, but my body had already met the wall.
He moves the bottoms aside, and places his hand down low.
I silently struggle in fear, but he only grabs me tighter.

“You know I want it, and you’ll like it too” 
The words sending chills down my spine.
“No” I say, “I love my boyfriend!” 
Yet those words, they meant nothing to him.
Afraid to fight, I stand there, pressed against the wall.
Each thrust causing pain, whimpers, and tears.
I felt hopeless, and I could only softly cry.

I could see it all, myself up against that wall,
The tears filling my eyes, and then dripping into the pool.
I could hear the “no’s” I was trying to get out.
But he kept going, taking advantage and raping me.
My biggest fear, I never though could happen to me.
After what feels like forever, my body, now empty.
He leaves me there, alone and afraid, shivering.
I stand there, the smell of sweat, summers air, and chlorine.
The tip of my tongue tastes the lingering tears.

With arms crossed over my breasts, I moved away from the wall.
Thoughts of what happened flash thorough my mind.
I drag myself inside, feeling so sick, and confused.
Tears in my eyes, everything speeds up so fast.
Seconds or minuets I can’t decipher how long.
The room now full of unfamiliar faces.
Shuddering and mumbling, sitting on the kitchen floor.
I recite it all, as the officer takes all details down to note.

Shaking and vomiting, they told me I needed to be checked out.
After arguing, an un-winnable combat, I look to my left.
The lights of the police cars and ambulance flicker through window.
Anxious and shattered I tightly grab my boyfriend’s hand,
I walk outside, into the breeze, and the lights, 
they swallow me.

Author's Note

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Reviews

[Cathexis]

Very intense reading, being male I couldn't fully comprehend that sense of helplessness but I can empathize through your writing. Quite amazing really